AN apology for swearing in public after being chastised by his 93-year-old mother was the dive into the world of Eddie Jones, bad karaoke, stolen secrets, the Wallabies revival and escaping rugby’s perfect world.
Welcome to the non-stop mind of the master coach who has turned England from a mess into the world’s No.2 team and the formidable roadblock for the Wallabies at Twickenham on Saturday.
If Michael Cheika’s Wallabies want to claim true progress for 2017, they must upset England after being out-played, out-thought and out-coached four times by their old rivals last year.
Jones is a marvel, a stroke victim in 2013 who does not miss a beat with every nuance and issue in the game he is relentless about dominating with his team.
“F***, how f****** stupid are we?” was his expletive-spiced eruption in the stands at Twickenham last weekend, following a careless penalty against Argentina, and it was adjudicated on by a higher authority than World Rugby.
“My mother rang up-she’s 93 from Australia-and said, ‘Please don’t swear.’ It’ll be the last time I swear,” Jones said.
Jones directs his master plan for England to win the 2019 Rugby World Cup from the five-star Pennyhill Park resort in the Surrey countryside so any snooping is regarded on the scale of the Petrov spy affair in 1950s Australia.
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A breach of rugby’s secrets act stirred his anger at an English journalist who would “break into our area at the hotel and take photos of classified information.”
While no game plans or player analysis was leaked, Jones felt his England inner sanctum had been compromised.
What the offending story showed was the Jones attention to detail with the touchscreen at the entrance to the private England rugby floor at the hotel itemising every hour of an England player’s day.
Squad meeting, debrief, game summary meeting, flexibility, strapping, walk-through, prep to win, speed, coaches meeting, commercial appearances and even a wellness session were on a much longer list.
It was a shake-up for England rugby’s perfect world but, in truth, he wants his players to cope with just that sort of chaos heading to the World Cup in Japan.
“We want to be a robust team. In Japan, we might have to fly to a hotel that’s got bad karaoke in it for 10 days,” Jones said of thin walls and disrupted sleep for players.
“It’s not a perfect world and Pennyhill Park is perfect and that’s not going to win us the World Cup.
“We’ve got to be adaptable and we’ve got to find ways to win. That’s why I’m looking forward to Saturday because I know Australia is going to bring their best.”
Jones lit no new fuse on his sparring with old mate Cheika although there was a hint when he put the Wallabies resurgence down to coaching but the difference made by skills coach Mick Byrne.
“They’re probably the form team in the world at the moment,” Jones said.
“There’s some really good coaching. (Former All Blacks skills coach) Mick Byrne has definitely made a difference as a skills coach. You can see his influence on the team. Their selection has been good, their defence is very good and their set-piece is strong.”
He knows Cheika has been stewing ever since the Wallabies’ fourth loss to England last year came at Twickenham.
“Well, knowing Cheik he would have been hatching a plan straight away and I think he’s done that,” Jones said.
“He’s rebuilt that side twice now which is a fair effort and he’s done a great job.”
Jones is a pragmatist and winning imperfectly like last weekend’s ragged 21-8 result over Argentina is as important as the edge-of-the-seat thrillers.
“It’s like when you bat … sometimes you can score a beautiful hundred and sometimes you score a terrible 70 but that 70 might save you a Test or win it,” Jones said.
“Those sort of innings are important.”
A grinding Test, an eight-try spectacle, a goalkicking-fest … in Eddie’s world finding any way to win is paramount.
“Ultimately, I was employed to win the World Cup and that’s what I’m intending to do,” Jones said.
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