Parents would like to do everything possible to protect our kids. But we live in a world where 9/11 and ISIS are part of everyday life. So how do we explain terrorist acts and other violence to our children?
Let’s work our way through the age groups, from pacifiers and pull-ups to acne and angst. Whether your children are nursing or shaving, your primary goal is to help them feel safe. Here’s how:
Avoid letting young children see disturbing videos.
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As is developmentally appropriate, the line between fact and fantasy is fuzzy for young kids. In order to prevent needless fears and nightmares, keep the news channel turned off when they’re around. Likewise, put off high-emotion conversations or inflammatory radio about recent events until they’re out of earshot. You may think they’re not even paying attention, but little kids are like sponges: They absorb everything. Get your news about ISIS at work or after the little ones have gone to bed.
If you do walk in to find your preschooler staring at disturbing footage on TV, stay calm.
Simply say “Hey, let’s give the TV a rest,” turn it off, and then gently redirect: “Tell me about this drawing you were working so hard on.” Don’t lunge for the remote, cover their eyes, or snap “You shouldn’t be watching that.” If you make it dramatic, it will make more of an impression and create anxiety or guilt.
If your young child re-enacts a tragedy, help him play it out until everyone is safe.
For example, if your young son builds a LEGO city and then crushes it, saying it was “bombed,” say, “Time to call in the fix-it crew!” Join him in rebuilding it and then ask how it can be made safe. Perhaps he’ll build a wall, make a couch-cushion shield, or have a toy dinosaur guard it. Especially for younger children, accuracy matters less than feeling safe. Most importantly, drive home the sense of safety non-verbally by offering hugs and cuddles for no reason at all.
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