It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you of a “smart salt shaker” called “The Smalt.” Oddly, the shaking aspect of this shaker is still decidedly unplugged—you still have do all the shaking; Smalt just “tracks” it for you. (And lights up. And plays music.) It is, essentially, the Juicero of seasoning.
As far as how it “tracks”—does it know about my oddly high SPAM intake?—the copy is pretty vague:
“Whether you want to dispense a pinch or a teaspoon, turn the dial or simply ask “Alexa” and wait for magic to happen.”
I need to know more about this “magic.” Does a little troll come out and dole out your desired amount of sodium chloride? Is his name Smalt? Is that the magic? If there is more than one person in your house—or two, I guess, if we’re counting Smalt the Salt Troll—does it track salt for every member of your family?
Smalt’s other features are much more straightforward, though still quite baffling. It can play music—everything from “Jazz to Johnny Cash”!—or provide a little mood lighting with its color-changing light strip (no word on how many lumens that thing puts out). If you have yet to purchase a Bluetooth-enabled speaker, and also broke your salt shaker recently, I guess you could kill to very disparate birds with one really random stone and get this thing.
Honestly, the salt shaker portion of this salt shaker seems kind of like an afterthought, and the makers of it seem to be more excited about the “conversation starter” aspect of it. I mean, I’ll give them that; this thing would start some conversations. “What is that thing?” your friend might ask.
“Oh, that?” you’ll say with a toss of your hair. “That’s Smalt, my mood-enhancing nightlight salt shaker robot that talks to Alexa and plays me Kenny G. and Jonny Cash. He’s my best friend.”
“Oh. How does it shake the salt out?”
“What?”
Look, if you’re the kind of person who is always looking for stuff to spend money on, you probably already have a Bluetooth speaker, and you’ve probably got your mood lighting sorted. If you really need to get fancy with your salt, I have some suggestions:
- Buy a salt pig or salt cellar: Salt is an important part of cooking, and you should have easy access to it. Both salt pigs and salt cellars keep you salt shielded from dust and debris while letting you get at it without as much as single shake.
- Treat yourself to the fancy salt: Get the Maldon, girl. You deserve it. Those big, beautiful flakes add flavor, texture, and class.
- Make some flavored salt: If salt, as a subject, is boring you to tears, take it up a notch by infusing those ho-hum crystals with some flavor. I’m currently very into tomato salt, but there are a lot of options.
Just don’t buy a Smalt. Technically you couldn’t even if you wanted to—it’s not even on Indiegogo yet—so at least there’s that small comfort.
