Riverdale Real Talk: It’s Time for Toni to Run Far, Far Away From Cheryl

martin

5 years ago

“Choni” fanatics, feel free to sit this one out. All the rest of you Riverdale fans: Let’s talk.

As longtime Riverdale watchers, we’re accustomed to suspending our disbelief on a weekly basis. Masked serial killers, murderous cults and rampant mob warfare, all in a sleepy small town… sure, why not? But there are some logical leaps that even the Riverdale faithful cannot quite accept, and Season 4 has presented us with a big one: Why in the world hasn’t Toni dumped Cheryl yet, exactly?

To be clear, we have nothing against Cheryl — we love her, actually! — or even against those two as a couple, entering this season. The tough-girl Serpent and the mischievous glam girl were a beautifully mismatched pair from the start, and we were rooting for them all the way; their Season 2 kiss, when Toni rescued Cheryl from the Sisters of Quiet Mercy, was probably Riverdale‘s most romantic moment ever. But now in Season 4, that romance has worn off considerably… mostly because Cheryl has gone completely and irretrievably off the deep end.

To recap: She’s been keeping the corpse of her dead brother Jason propped up in her basement, and she talks to it daily. She thinks that a creepy sailor doll is possessed by the spirit of her dead triplet brother Julian… who she consumed in the womb. (Ew.) Her family feud led to Toni accidentally killing Cheryl’s Uncle Bedford, and Cheryl insisted they dump the body rather than tell the authorities. She even tried to convince her relatives they were eating meat pies with bits of ground-up Uncle Bedford in them (!). It’s been a relentless cascade of bizarre behavior and big blaring red flags, and Toni has stuck around through all of it. (Every “Choni” scene this season seems to end with Cheryl saying something off-the-wall ridiculous and Toni looking worried and confused.)

Truthfully, as soon as Toni saw Jason’s dead body, she should’ve hightailed it out of there, but every week that goes by just makes her decision to stay at Thistle House worse and worse. Yes, Cheryl’s always been a bit strange, and we understand that Toni doesn’t want to abandon someone she loves and who is clearly going through a lot, psychologically. But love can only go so far, and now Toni’s blind loyalty has led to her taking a life and incriminating herself further by covering it up. It’d actually be healthier at this point for Toni to break up with Cheryl so she can concentrate on herself and process her grief for Jason in a mature manner. But healthy and mature decisions aren’t really Riverdale‘s thing, now are they?

We know we shouldn’t expect Riverdale to be in any way realistic — and we know “Choni” fans everywhere will be calling for our heads for daring to say all of this out loud. But enough is enough: Cheryl and Toni’s relationship has grown decidedly toxic this season, and we think it’d be best for everyone involved if Toni pulled the plug on this thing prior to graduation. She can always head to the big city in search of a more stable and suitable romantic partner. Maybe Katy Keene needs a roommate?